DEAR DEIDRE: I’M having a torrid affair with my married lover but when I’ve had a drink things can really get out of hand.
It only takes a couple of gin and tonics and I always get the digs in — criticising his boring wife and life.
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When the wine starts flowing, I can’t help but say the most horrible, nasty things.
Everything I say is untrue and unforgivable.
I am 31 and my lover is 35. He is married with two young daughters aged five and three.
We met through our mutual love of running, when he joined my club. We were out on a club run one evening and ended up chatting as we ran at the same pace.
We discovered we had a lot more than running in common, and one night we went for a drink.
Things progressed quickly and it wasn’t long before we began an affair.
Keeping it a secret has been difficult, but we have been together for almost a year now.
We are great together. But he has been honest and told me that he doesn’t want to leave the family home because of his kids.
I am OK with that but whenever I’m drunk I lash out, accusing him of being a dirty coward and using me.
Last week I went too far, and in my heart I think it was the final straw. I treated him horribly and accused him of things that are not even remotely true or what I think.
Worse still, he absorbed my insults and anger without saying a word in retaliation.
I think I might have to walk away, even though he is amazing. This is affecting both of us terribly.
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I know it is my fault, as he has been nothing but patient and loving towards me.
I hate waking up alone and full of regret.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Please have the courage to bring this dead-end affair to a close.
You know your lover has no intention of leaving his wife – at least not while he can have the best of both worlds.
Tell him it is over and you can’t see him again – then stick to it. Shed your tears over him but then make a determined effort to move on.
My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, will help you to think this through.
Concentrate on improving your social life. There are plenty of great guys who are available.
Alcohol affects the part of our brain that controls our emotions.
This puts us at risk of getting into arguments and becoming aggressive or violent. So do watch your drinking in future.
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