Rob Rinder on the four rules for a pain-free divorce

Rob Rinder says it IS possible to have a pain-free divorce – after going through his own split – but says parting couples must follow four key rules to avoid heartache, and losing time and money

  • TV barrister, 44, offered four key pieces of advice to couples separating 
  • Said he drew on own experiences, after splitting from Seth Cumming in 2018  
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Rob Rinder has revealed his top tips for getting through a divorce amicably, saying seeing endless cases in his professional life as a barrister, and his own separation from his ex husband – has taught him it is possible to avoid a legal war. 

The TV star, who shot to fame in the ITV courtroom show Judge Rinder, says going through his own divorce from his ex-husband Seth Cumming has helped him guide others on how to part without acrimony. 

Robert and fellow barrister Seth tied the knot in a civil ceremony in Ibiza in 2013, an event that was officiated by his superstar pal Benedict Cumberbatch. The couple were together for 11-and-a-half years and married for five until 2018. 

Writing in the Evening Standard, Rinder, 44, said ex partners at war could spare themselves a painful divorce if they followed some simple advice. 

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The TV barrister, 44, offered four key pieces of advice to couples separating in an article for the Evening Standard, saying it is possible to have an amicable divorce (pictured in January 2022)

Rinder said he’s learned about how to make separations less painful from his own experience – he split from former partner Seth Cumming in 2018 after 11-and-a-half years together – and also meeting countless divorce lawyers through work  

Rinder said parents of children should realise ‘there’s no such thing as divorce’, and that having kids together means you’ll be forever connected as co-parents – adding that using children as weapons in a separation is ‘indescribably terrible’.


  • If you have children together – accept that there’s no such thing as divorce – ‘you’ll be forever connected as co-parents’
  • Avoid lawyers if possible: they’ll make the process longer and more expensive
  • Avoid warring over money, the barrister said that while more cash can be earned, time spent at war is forever lost 
  • Remain dignified and avoid low blows: ‘The path to happiness is always along the high road. The other direction leads to nothing but expensive, toxic misery.’

He wrote: ‘There are decades of bar mitzvahs, graduations and weddings ahead of you. 

‘There’s no point delivering the perfectly crafted “farewell insult” when you’ll be sitting next to each other at an oboe recital later that day. So keep it civil: you’re in it for the long haul.’ 

Despite his own professional career in law, Rinder advises couples to stay away from getting solicitors involved in their decaying relationship if at all possible – because sorting a situation out without a legal team can save time, money and heartache.  

He said couples should appreciate that ‘the more cash you spend, the worse it’s gone for you and the better for the lawyers.’

And finances also influence his third piece of advice, explaining that couples who refuse to compromise on money often fare worse when it comes to remaining amicable, writing: ‘the friendliest conscious uncouplings turn into the dirtiest of dingdongs when the bank accounts were cracked open.’

Advising both parties to not make money the main priority, the barrister said that while more money can be earned, time spent at war is forever lost.  

His final tip for a divorce without trauma is to try and remain dignified and calm, even when your former partner is slinging low blows in your direction in the heat of the moment.

He writes: ‘The path to happiness is always along the high road. The other direction leads to nothing but expensive, toxic misery.’ 

Rinder found fame in 2014 when his eponymous TV courtroom series, based on real-life criminal cases, arrived on ITV. 

He also entertained audiences in the 14th series of Strictly Come Dancing, when he appeared alongside Oksana Platero and in recent months has appeared as a guest presenter on Good Morning Britain alongside Kate Garraway. 

When a former partner delivers a low blow, go high, says Rinder – ‘The other direction leads to nothing but expensive, toxic misery’, the TV barrister advises

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