Note: contains spoilers for Jane the Virgin.
I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I remember hyperventilating in the school bathroom, feeling like I was suffocating, tears clouding my vision but never falling. I remember feeling out of control and confused.
I dealt with it on my own for years and it continued to come and go. Years later, my best friend kept telling me that I should watch this show, Jane the Virgin. She told me it was a story about a girl who was artificially inseminated, engaged, and her life was basically unravelling.
I wasn’t the least bit interested and it took a few weeks of her convincing me.
About five minutes in, I was hooked. I admired how life threw a storm at Jane, but she kept going. Even through the confusion, tears, and breakdowns, she kept going! Jane’s character inspired me to never let my anxiety disable me. Jane the Virgin taught me that it’s okay to not have everything figured out, it’s okay to be confused about the next step, or to be unsure of what’s hiding behind the door – but, it’s not okay to stop moving.
To me, Jane’s predicament could be looked at in so many other ways. It’s an obstacle that cannot be avoided, something that is not planned. Whether it’s major or minor, a detour can send your train completely off of the tracks. And detours suck, especially for people who are extreme planners and organizers, like me.
I began handling the ‘detours’ of my life the way Jane handled hers. I planned with the detours, not around the detours. The most important step to dealing with my anxiety was acceptance. I accepted that my anxiety existed, I accepted that because of my anxiety things would affect me differently, and I accepted that I had to plan for my detours. A lot of us have a habit of denying our existing issues, but pretending a problem doesn’t exist doesn’t make the problem go away.
From Jane the Virgin I’ve also learnt that your detour is always a lesson, and sometimes a blessing in disguise. Without being artificially inseminated, Jane would have never been blessed with her son, Mateo. In the present, it’s hard to understand why something is happening, how it makes sense, and how we’re going to deal with it. Or if we even want to deal with it in the first place.
After all of the artificial-insemination drama, Jane leaving Michael to be with Rafael, Jane and Rafael dating, and then Jane and Michael finally getting back together and then married – BOOM, Michael dies when everything seems to be perfect.
Who would have thought that after all of that, this is what things would come to? Another perfect example of a very unfortunate detour. Jane ends up moving back home with her abuela, and basically has to start all over.
Despite the emotional pain and trauma, I also found a message in this part of the show. It’s okay to start over, after hitting rock bottom. Take as much time as you need to put the pieces back together, take as much time as you need to heal. Always understand that it’s okay to be in a sunken place while figuring things out again. It’s okay to feel like you’re moving backwards instead of forwards, because sometimes that’s just how life is. As time passes, you can get back in the game.
It took Jane years before she could talk about Michael and his story without crying, and even longer before she was ready to date again – and that’s okay. The important part is, she eventually got to a point where she had genuine mental peace again.
It’s okay to have detours, it’s okay to have to replan, it’s okay to be in a state of confusion, it’s okay to have anxiety or any other form of mental illness. Just always remember to keep going, accept your detours, accept help and always strive for mental peace.
We would encourage anyone who identifies with the topics raised in this article to reach out. Organisations who can offer support include Samaritans on 116 123 (www.samaritans.org) or Mind on 0300 123 3393 (www.mind.org.uk). Readers in the US are encouraged to visit mentalhealth.gov or the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
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