Vicky Pattison has opened up about the "dangerous amounts" of alcohol she drank during her Geordie Shore days and how she felt 'pressured' into having sex on camera.
The reality star, 34, has revealed just how bad her boozing got while filming the reality show, and how it makes her "feel sick" to watch clips from the raucous series.
Speaking to The Times magazine to promote her new Channel 4 documentary, Vicky Pattison: My Dad, Alcohol and Me, the TV personality said: “I don’t have an off switch and I was never a nice drunk. You get sloppy drunks, weepy drunks, aggressive drunks – I was all of them.
"I never wanted the party to stop but I’d be shouting, belligerent. I drank to excess and drank dangerous amounts."
She continued: “In Marbella, I once got so drunk I had to be hospitalised. It was not a proud moment.”
The article added commented that Vicky was in "tears" during the interview spoke about watching footage of herself on Geordie Shore while filming the new documentary.
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“I felt sick to my stomach watching it back, " Vicky said. "I don’t know if I blocked [these incidents] from my memory or if I was just so pissed I can’t remember. I’d never watched Geordie Shore before even when I was on it, because I didn’t like who it made me become.”
Vicky, whose dad John is an alcoholic, said she worried she was also on the path to alcoholism, saying "it was going to happen sooner or later."
The brunette beauty also opens up about how she felt pressured to have sex on camera to live up to her wild persona on the MTV hit.
She refers to the scene in which she slept with her fiance at the time as "massively damaging" .
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Vicky recalled: I don’t blame the producers for anything, but I didn’t have the skills to navigate being surrounded by that much alcohol. I was young and felt the pressure to be who they wanted me to be, and that made me feel so powerless.
" It definitely exacerbated my issues. I became a complete caricature.”
Despite her issues, however, Vicky has since sought therapy and says she now drinks in moderation.
She also insists she would not describe herself as an alcoholic, despite her father's battle.
"I wouldn’t define myself as an alcoholic," she stressed. "But I have a complicated relationship with alcohol. It’s a slippery slope from being social to being dependent to being addicted. I’ve danced with that my whole adult life."
Vicky, who is now happily engaged to fiance and former TOWIE star Ercan Ram, also revealed the real reason she isn't sure if she wants children.
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In the past, the star said she felt she was "too selfish" to have kids, but now reveals there is a more serious reason for her doubts.
"The real reason was because I had all my dad’s issues and hang-ups and addictions, " she admitted. "I was so frightened my children would end up like me: broken.”
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