All white and middle class? That’s SO not true. I saw one family who’d brought their Filipino au pair to the eco protests, says TITANIA MCGRATH… the social injustice warrior (created by Andrew Doyle)
I have always been super worried about the environment. Climate change causes erratic weather conditions, which is really bad for the hedge maze on my estate. And I’m very aware of my carbon footprint. For instance, I always make sure that at least one of my cars is energy efficient. Besides, as a social justice activist, I can do an awful lot of good by sending angry tweets from a ski slope in Val-d’Isère.
But my involvement in the Extinction Rebellion movement has taken my environmental work to a whole other level. I’ve spent the last couple of nights camped out in Oxford Circus in London. I can’t sleep in an actual tent because I’m allergic to nylon, but the hotel I’m staying in only has a three-star rating, so I feel like I’ve made a genuine sacrifice.
Some of the most talented and well-loved public figures have supported our work, and so has Guardian columnist Owen Jones. On Friday, Dame Emma Thompson arrived after a gruelling 5,000-mile flight from Los Angeles to show how dedicated she is to reducing carbon emissions.
People camping out in Oxford Circus (pictured above) during the Extinction Rebellion protests
Dame Emma Thompson (pictured above) also joined in with the protests in Oxford Circus this week
To those who see this gesture as hypocritical, I would like to point out that the flight was already scheduled and she didn’t even travel First Class. She was in the cargo hold making papier-mâché wind chimes which she later distributed to adoring fans.
‘We are here in this island of sanity!’ Dame Emma cried from the top of a bright pink boat at the heart of Oxford Street, while bearded men in red togas chanted paeans to Pan and the woodland nymphs. She praised the young people who had turned out in droves, although a few of them confessed they were only there as fans of Nanny McPhee.
I arrived later that afternoon and, as I approached the cluster of tents just outside the Oxford Street branch of H&M, I was greeted with wild cheers from the sunburnt throng. They were understandably thrilled that their campaign was to be supported by a high-profile individual such as myself. (I presume they recognised me from my frequent appearances in the society pages of Tatler.)
Protesters in Oxford Circus gathered today to continue to demonstrate in support of Extinction Rebellion
One young woman remarked that my arrival reminded her of Jesus’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey. I told her that if I must be compared to a male historical figure, it should be Mahatma Gandhi, not some Zionist settler who’d learnt a few conjuring tricks.
Gandhi has provided the inspiration for the entire modus operandi of Extinction Rebellion, based as it is on the principle of ‘non-violent resistance’.
Gandhi’s followers used to call this ‘satyagraha’, because they lacked the necessary discipline to learn English properly.
In many ways I have surpassed Gandhi. He might have brought the British empire to its knees, but did he ever glue himself to the Docklands Light Railway, stripped to the waist and smeared in woad? No, he was too busy mincing around in flip-flops and collecting salt.
The group Extinction Rebellion is calling for a week of civil disobedience against what it says is the failure to tackle the causes of climate change
We in Extinction Rebellion have three main aims. Firstly, the Government and the media need to start telling the truth about climate change. There is so little discussion on this topic that most people haven’t even heard of the climate, let alone realise that it’s changing.
Jeremy Corbyn (pictured above) leaving his house past Extinction Rebellion campaigners
I only found out about it because I watched the film Highlander II, which depicts a dystopian future where the ozone layer has fully depleted. Sean Connery plays a Spaniard with a Scottish accent and Christopher Lambert plays a Scotsman who sounds French. Is that really the kind of perverted future we want for our children?
Secondly, we must reduce greenhouse gas emissions to net zero by the year 2025. Critics have pointed out that the restrictions on key industries that would be required in order to achieve this would cause economic meltdown and that it would be the poorest in our society who would be most severely impacted. But hardly any working-class people have turned up to our protests over the past few days, which surely means that they’re not bothered either way.
Finally, the Government must outsource all decisions relating to ecological issues to a citizens’ assembly. It is perfectly obvious that our current system of representative democracy is failing and that our politicians cannot be trusted. Except when it comes to Brexit, in which case Parliament clearly knows best and should just ignore the will of the electorate.
Climate change activists from Extinction Rebellion protest pictured leaving the scene after staging a protest and glueing themselves to the front fence of Britain’s opposition Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s house in London
Our tactics in Extinction Rebellion are varied but for the most part we like to chain ourselves to things and strip naked.
Over the past week, we have attached ourselves to famous landmarks, buses, and even the occasional homeless person. Sometimes we chain ourselves to things as a sign of affection, such as the fence in front of Jeremy Corbyn’s house.
He seemed a bit annoyed when he saw a group of hipsters sitting cross-legged on his begonias but I think deep down he understands that we are saving the world.
It’s been particularly heartening to see so many children joining our group. It’s never too early to start being politically active and, as we saw with the Youth Strike 4 Climate back in February, some young people are so committed to direct action they’re even prepared to miss school for it. After all, it’s their future that’s at stake.
Gail Bradbrook (pictured above) pointed out that her children wont have enough food to eat in a few years
As Gail Bradbrook, co-founder of Extinction Rebellion, recently pointed out on Good Morning Britain, her two children ‘won’t have enough food to eat in a few years’. This strikes me as an understatement. I wouldn’t be surprised if they gradually eat each other to death.
Inevitably, there has been a backlash from the more reactionary elements of the media.
Jon Snow (pictured) said he had never seen so many white people in one place
Some have criticised the protesters for being overwhelmingly white and middle class, but this is simply not true. I saw at least one family who had brought along their Filipino au pair. Besides, this wasn’t like that pro-Brexit rally where Channel 4’s Jon Snow said that he’d ‘never seen so many white people in one place’. The members of Extinction Rebellion are not white in any sense other than their skin colour. They are the good whites. Jon Snow was clearly referring to working-class whites, who tend to have the wrong opinions.
Other critics have claimed that the UK Government has worked assiduously to address climate change, with CO2 emissions at their lowest since the 19th Century and all coal-fuelled power stations (which have been pointless anyway since we invented electricity) due to be shut down permanently by 2025.
Furthermore, the critics sneer, China is responsible for almost a quarter of all the world’s greenhouse gases, producing 23 times more than the UK, so why aren’t we protesting outside the Chinese embassy? But if a freestyle pagan folk dance on Waterloo Bridge doesn’t make the Chinese government think twice about its environmental policies, surely nothing will.
Some people had inconsiderately scheduled their Easter holidays to clash with our protests and then had the gall to complain when their travel plans were ruined.
Frankly, these kinds of people don’t deserve a holiday, and if the apocalypse does come, I hope they bear the brunt of it.
As for me and my compatriots in Extinction Rebellion, we had a wonderful time. There was cavorting in the streets, amateur hemp-weaving competitions, angry teenagers reciting haiku about why we need more badgers and even an acoustic lesbian quintet performing the songs from Hair.
I myself mounted the pink boat to recite my shocking and evocative poem Mother Earth Is Not Your Slut, which I performed naked except for a pashmina fashioned from interlaced earthworms. A number of people were so moved that they actually had to leave.
There is still so much work to be done. Actor Jason Momoa, star of the film Aquaman, has just shaved off his beard to raise awareness about the need to eliminate plastic waste. He’s doing his bit to save the planet. Why aren’t you?
- Woke: A Guide To Social Justice, by Titania McGrath, published by Constable, is available at Amazon.
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