DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter how hard I try to ignore my feelings, I can’t stop being in love with my stepdaughter.
At 37, she is only eight years younger than me. I’ve loved her for 20 years, since I met her mum. I want to tell her, but I’m scared.
I’m 45 and my wife is 56. I first met my stepdaughter when she was 18.
My sister was a work friend of her mum, and one night I joined them in the pub.
We started dating and she told me she had a teenage daughter.
One day, my now wife invited me for Sunday lunch.
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She told me her daughter would be there.
The second she walked into the room, I fell for her. But she had a boyfriend, and I was with her mum, so I knew nothing could happen.
We became friends, and I started to think about dumping her mum and asking her out.
Before I could, she moved away to university.
Then, to my surprise, her mum proposed.
Shamefully, I said yes, mainly so I could stay in my step-daughter’s life.
My feelings for her have never gone away.
Over the years, I have taken every opportunity to spend time with her.
Sometimes it can be flirty.
Although I love my wife, our marriage is dull and our sex life is practically non-existent.
My stepdaughter is single now, and I wonder if I should admit how I really feel when she comes home for Christmas.
But her kids are like my grandchildren. It feels as if this is all such a complicated mess.
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DEIDRE SAYS: This relationship cannot happen.
Even though you are not blood relatives, and your stepdaughter is only eight years younger, she sees you as a father figure, and her children see you as their grandfather.
It’s likely she has no idea how you feel and she would probably be horrified.
What’s more, your wife would be heartbroken and see this as an enormous betrayal.
It could destroy her relationship with her daughter.
You’re likely to lose everyone.
If you are not happy in your marriage, then leave, but don’t blow your entire family apart by revealing your true feelings.
Instead, get help, because this is spoiling your life and will ruin your future.
Talking to a counsellor is the best option. My support pack on counselling will help you to find one.
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