EXCLUSIVE – 90210 star AnnaLynne McCord reveals ‘traumatizing’ moment in dissociative identity disorder battle when her 13-year-old ‘split’ personality told her she was going to END her life – as she recalls telling little girl: ‘You CAN’T take my body’
- The actress, 36, first revealed she had been diagnosed with the condition in 2021
- The star said that it happened after one of her egos said she couldn’t live
- She spoke to DailyMail.com about why she decided to share it with the world
90210 star AnnaLynne McCord has opened up about the ‘lightbulb moment’ that finally helped her to reach acceptance in her near-fatal battle with dissociative identity disorder – after one of her personalities, a 13-year-old version of herself, told her she wanted to end her life.
The actress, 36, first revealed to the public that she had been diagnosed with the mental health condition in April 2021, which she said she developed as a result of a childhood sexual trauma.
She spent years battling five different alter egos, as well as severe suicidal thoughts which have ‘largely disappeared’ after she sought professional help in 2017.
AnnaLynne – who is the star of the brand new mystery movie Condition of Return and recently made headlines again for dishing on Meghan Markle’s very raunchy 90210 guest appearance – spoke out about the turning point in her recovery exclusively to DailyMail.com, which she said inspired her to share her story with the world.
90210 star AnnaLynne McCord (seen last week) has opened up about the ‘lightbulb moment’ she had that lead to her accepting her near-fatal battle with dissociative identity disorder
The actress (pictured as a kid), 36, revealed that she had been diagnosed with the condition in April 2021, which she said she developed after suffering from sexual trauma as a child
AnnaLynne (seen in 90210) spoke out about the turning point in her recovery exclusively to DailyMail.com, which she said inspired her to want to share her story with the world
Recalling a moment in her shower in December 2020 when her teenage self re-appeared and announced that she was ‘going away’ forever, she said: ‘I had not been suicidal for years. But my 13-year-old self told me that she didn’t want to integrate with me.
‘She said, “I don’t want to integrate with you, I ruined your life. I have to go away.”‘
AnnaLynne, who was speaking in December last year, explained that she tried to ‘process the gravity’ of the statement by recording a video journal, when the alter ego came back and made another very harrowing announcement.
The Nip/Tuck alum continued: ‘She said, “I can’t live anymore, I can’t be here anymore”.
‘Since everything has to be humor with me, I was like, “Girl, just so you know, I need the body, so you can’t take the body if you are going away”.
‘I was talking about what I was dealing with… and then all of the sudden this split came out and needed to speak on her own behalf.’
AnnaLynne added that that ‘part of her went away’ then went away and ‘never came back,’ which sparked a week-long ‘grieving period’.
She recalled a moment that happened in December 2020, when one of her personalities, a 13-year-old version of herself, told her she wanted to end her life. She’s seen in April 2020
‘She said, “I can’t live anymore, I can’t be here anymore.” I was like, “I need the body, so you can’t take the body if you are going away.” AnnaLynne is seen as a teen with her family
She said for a year it was too hard to look at the footage, but when she did finally re-watch, she found herself wanting to speak out about what she went through to try to help others who may be suffering from the same condition.
‘When I finally looked at it again, I realized, people deal with this and they don’t know what to do and they actually might end the body,’ she explained.
‘I had the wherewithal to know that this was a part of me that wanted to go but not me, as crazy as that sounds because we don’t understand it fully. It is unknown, but I want to make it known. And that was the moment.’
AnnaLynne added that that ‘part of her went away’ after that and ‘never came back,’ and that was what lead to her wanting to speak out about what she went through to try to help others who may be suffering from the same condition. She’s seen earlier this month
While discussing her journey with DailyMail.com, AnnaLynne said it was like having ‘different me’s inside of me’.
‘They would talk to me and that was really fun to keep up with, just super fun,’ she joked. ‘They’re very colorful, a roundtable in there.’
Dissociative identity disorder, or DID, is a mental condition that sees a person inflicted with various identities which can control their behavior at different times. It can also can cause memory loss, delusions or depression.
AnnaLynne first spoke out about her diagnosis in a blog post for Dr. Daniel Amen’s website, Amen Clinics, in early 2021.
At the time, she explained that being an actress only amplified her problems.
‘All of my roles were splits, but I didn’t even realize I was doing it at [first],’ she said.
The now-36-year-old recalled starring in the horror movie Excision back in 2012, in which she played a ‘disturbed and delusional high school student’ named Pauline – and she said the role made things even worse.
‘I played a very cerebral, disturbed, strange little girl that was very close to who I feel I am on the inside,’ she shared.
‘It was very exposing, very confronting, probably a bit re-traumatizing without realizing it.
AnnaLynne first spoke out about her diagnosis in a blog post for Dr. Daniel Amen’s website, Amen Clinics , in early 2021 (seen)
At the time, AnnaLynne (seen in 90210) said that being an actress only amplified her problems. She shared: ‘All of my roles were splits, but I didn’t even realize I was doing it at [first]’
She recalled struggling after starring in the horror movie Excision in 2012, in which she played a ‘disturbed and delusional high school student’ named Pauline
‘The crazy thing about it was that I wrapped that film at 2am on a Tuesday and had to be happy, crazy Beverly Hills blonde bombshell on Wednesday at noon.
‘I couldn’t find her, she was not accessible. I was dark, I was very deep into this character Pauline and I couldn’t get [out].’
Then, when she was filming a traumatic rape scene in 90210, she realized she needed professional help.
‘My whole body like just went into panic mode as if I was living out my life on camera,’ she told Good Morning America previously.
‘These moments were coming to light through my work. I didn’t understand anything about the mind or the brain at the time, I was just trying to do my job and I couldn’t. And it was very scary … But I found a way out.’
In an interview with People in June 2021, AnnaLynne divulged about her differing personalities, revealing that they formed in order to cope with the abuse that she endured as a kid.
She said she was sexually assaulted between the age of five and 11 by someone she knew, while she was living in an Atlanta trailer park with her mother Shari and pastor father David.
AnnaLynne previously said she said she was sexually assaulted between ages five and 11 by someone she knew , and that her first alter ego appeared when she was 16. She’s seen at age 15
AnnaLynne – who is the star of the brand new mystery movie Condition of Return – recently made headlines again for dishing on Meghan Markle ‘s very raunchy 90210 guest appearance
The future royal’s cameo in the show saw her character, named Wendy, giving oral sex in a car to one of the show’s main characters, Ethan, who was played by Dustin Milligan
‘It was about disembodiment. It’s a disconnection from mind to body,’ she explained.
She revealed that her first alter appeared aged 16 – the 13-year-old version of herself – who she described as ‘dark, cynical and jaded’.
Her other egos included ‘Autopilot Anna,’ who had the ‘perfect tailored response at all times,’ a loving and nurturing ‘Earth Mother,’ and Domino, ‘a very salacious young lady – a toughie’.
AnnaLynne said she was raped by a male friend, aged 18, which lead to her ‘body freezing.’ She added: ‘I just cut out awareness of what was happening.’
AnnaLynne told Us Weekly last week that she found it ‘hilarious’ when she discovered that the Duchess of Sussex had played a ‘little hoe’
She said she would cut herself and had suicidal thoughts for years, until she finally sought treatment for depression and post-traumatic stress disorder in 2017.
Last week, AnnaLynne gained attention after she addressed Meghan’s now-infamous part in 90210, which saw the future royal in a very compromising position.
Years before she married Prince Harry and before landing her role in Suits, Meghan, now 42, had a brief role in 90210.
Her character Wendy, gave oral sex in a car to one of the show’s main characters, Ethan, who was played by Dustin Milligan.
AnnaLynne told Us Weekly last week that she found it ‘hilarious’ when she discovered that the Duchess of Sussex had played a ‘little hoe’.
She noted that she didn’t work with Meghan, then 27, directly, so it wasn’t until later that she realized how raunchy the future royal’s part was.
‘I didn’t work with her so I didn’t actually know, but she’s actually the little hoe bot — she was the little hoe bot with my boy, like, she’s in the car with him,’ AnnaLynne said.
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