DEAR DEIDRE: A SILLY mistake I made in my twenties has come back to haunt me – and I fear it could rip my family apart.
I’m a woman of 53 and I’ve been married for 30 years to a lovely man, who is 54. We have four grown-up children and two grandchildren.
Get in touch with Deidre today
My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.
Send an email to [email protected]
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre.
But I have just discovered my oldest daughter, 28, is not my husband’s child.
All this has come about because she and her 26-year-old sister have both become interested in our family tree.
My family are from Ireland and my husband’s are originally from Italy.
Our daughters had been planning trips to Italy and Ireland to trace our roots but because of the pandemic it didn’t happen.
My two girls are inseparable and, unbeknown to either of them, they both had the same idea to buy a DNA test as a present for the other.
The tests give information about ancestors and help find new relatives.
When my eldest daughter got her results back, it said she only shared 49 per cent of the same DNA as her younger sister.
She was shocked and said it meant they could only be half-sisters. Now I can’t sleep or stop crying.
You see, 29 years ago my husband and I were going through a bad patch.
And after going out with friends and getting drunk, I had a one-night stand with an acquaintance.
When I found out I was pregnant soon after, I was convinced it was my husband’s.
Now I am sure my eldest daughter’s father must be the man I had sex with.
Male mid-life issues
Partner acting erratically due to getting older?
For my Male Mid-Life Crisis support pack email [email protected]
And read my advice on Facebook, Twitter or at the-sun.co.uk/deidre
She’s always looked different from her siblings. Now I realise she must look like him.
I feel ashamed and absolutely shattered. If this secret comes out it would destroy my family.
But how can I keep the truth about her father from my eldest daughter?
DEIDRE SAYS: The results of the DNA test have understandably thrown you into a state of panic.
But don’t lose sight of the happy life you’ve shared with your husband for nearly 30 years and the family you’ve built, made sacrifices for and love very much.
DNA tests can be imprecise. Don’t jump to conclusions based on the scant information you have.
These types of tests are based on averages, not absolutes. The amount of DNA siblings and half-siblings share does vary.
You can read about this issue on cellmark.co.uk or call 0800 470 2521 for more information.
But whether or not the results are accurate, you need support to work through your feelings.
Otherwise this could destroy your wellbeing and your marriage.
Often, secrets and lies can be more damaging than the truth.
Enlist the support of a counsellor to help you deal with this.
My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I am happily married to my wife and still feel empty without kids
READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Kirk won't give up making kinky sex demands to Lisa
GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL [email protected]
Source: Read Full Article