Of the countless potential relationship hurdles couples face, distance is by far one of the hardest to overcome. Keeping the love alive over the phone and via Skype — with some occasional IRL quality time thrown in the mix — can put so much pressure on a partnership. That’s why it’s so important to ensure that everything between you and your SO is rock solid before deciding to make a LDR work. Sadly, no matter how much you love someone, long distance simply doesn’t work for everyone. Fortunately, the signs you and your partner won’t endure long distance may be evident prior to putting yourselves through it. That’s not to say it wouldn’t be worth giving long distance a try, but it’s always helpful to go into these situations with a realistic view of how things are likely to turn out.
As someone who managed to endure a long-distance relationship for almost two years, the only thing I can promise you is that it won’t be easy. So, if the following things are true about your particular relationship, you and bae might not be ready to go long distance just yet. Although that doesn’t mean you still shouldn’t try, just be prepared. Long distance is no joke.
1You or your partner struggle to make plans or stick to them.
Let me tell you, nothing leads to a long-distance fight like repeatedly flaking on plans to talk or Skype. Remember: This is the only way for you and bae to stay connected in between visits, so it’s important to take scheduled bae-time as seriously as you would any other IRL date.
"If you’re disengaged or aloof, and not willing to put forth the effort, the relationship will not last," author and relationships expert Alexis Nicole White told Elite Daily.
2You or your partner don’t have set plans to relocate to the same city.
"Knowing how the long-distance arrangement fits into your shared long-term goals is essential for navigating the distance successfully," relationship coach Adam Maynard told Elite Daily. "You know what purpose the time apart is serving, and the fact that you are both working toward the same end goal motivates you to endure the difficult parts.”
If you and your bae are going into long distance with no foreseeable end in sight, then making it through the low points is going to be tough. Even if you don’t know exactly when one of you will be able to move, at the very least it’s important to know the next time you’re going to see each other IRL (even if it’s just for a visit). If you’re not on the same page when it comes to your end goals, then this will likely turn out to be a major problem.
3You or your partner aren’t good communicators.
Establishing effective communication in a relationship can be hard enough when you see each other regularly. If you and your partner struggle with this now, then long-distance may further aggravate your ability to communicate. "Having poor communication skills is the base of a lackadaisical relationship, considering the only thing a couple will have is time and space to speak to one another," White said.
4You and your partner don’t make plans to see each other IRL.
It’s no secret that traveling a ton to visit a partner living far away can get pricey AF, but if you aren’t able to see each other often enough (which varies depending on your individual needs), your morale might start to slip. When this happens, it can start to feel like one of you isn’t as committed as the other.
"Continuing to pursue a long-distance relationship with an individual that isn’t actively pursuing you will create resentment and hatred toward the other person," said White. Not good.
Even though it might be a tough pill to swallow, the truth is that most long-distance relationships are really, really hard. The good news is that making it work isn’t impossible. If you’re not sure whether or not your relationship can weather the storms, the only way to know for sure is to give it a try.
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