It feels like an unwritten law that when it is your birthday, you get to pick out the cake flavor. Right? That is what a father assumed when he went to order his 13-year-old daughter a chocolate cake for her birthday. But his wife, who has a 16-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, saw things a little bit differently. The distressed father took to Reddit’s AITA to talk cake drama and ask whether or not he was in the right for returning a cake adjusted by his wife.
“I (M37) have a daughter (now 13) ‘Olivia’ from my former relationship. Currently, I’m married to my wife who has a daughter (16) ‘Britney’… Britney is the opposite of Olivia. For example, Britney’s a social kid, Olivia is [an] introvert. The list is long, but they’re just the complete opposite[s],” the father explained.
“Olivia’s 13th birthday was 2 days ago. She loves chocolate and I decided this is the flavor I was going to go with when I contacted the bakery. However, my wife objected since Britney absolutely hates chocolate and suggested we go with vanilla.”
This already feels off. Sure, parents want to make sure that the cake flavor is one that most party guests like, but it feels like there is a lack of consideration for the OP’s daughter — AKA the birthday girl.
“I said no way because for one, Olivia hates vanilla and it’s also her birthday, so she gets to have her cake with her favorite flavor. My wife got upset and took it as in I had no regard for Britney and that we should just choose another neutral flavor instead. I shut that down and said no more discussing this because I’d already decided to go with what Olivia wanted.”
It seems like OP made the right move here. Plus, it’s not like his wife’s daughter is a toddler or younger child who won’t understand why her stepdad ordered his daughter’s favorite cake flavor for her birthday. And YET…
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“At the day of the birthday, I was supposed to go get the cake but I was surprised to see my wife coming home after picking up the cake from the bakery. I looked at it and discovered that it wasn’t a chocolate cake but a vanilla cake with small pieces of chocolate on top. I got pissed thinking they got my order wrong and was about to contact them, but my wife said there was no mistake and that she called the bakery the day before and made ‘slight changes’ to the cake to please both girls.”
Yeah. It’s one thing to go for a compromise, it’s another to go behind a partner’s back and call a change that is roughly 90% favoring one side a compromise.
“I was stunned I lost it on her and asked why the hell she did that. She got defensive saying that birthdays are no ‘excuse’ to show favoritism and that her daughter is ‘watching’ and ‘observing’ how I’m treating both girls. I told her off since I was the one paying, then called the bakery and explained what happened. I had the cake returned and replaced with a chocolate cake,” explained the OP.
“My wife declined to take part in the celebration and later we got into a huge argument where she called me controlling and selfish for returning the cake instead of using this opportunity to teach Olivia to compromise so everyone’s happy,” OP continued. It seems like maybe, just maybe, the OP’s wife could have used this opportunity to teach Britney about compromising so everyone’s happy, because again, it was Olivia’s birthday. The disconnect is truly mind-boggling.
“Now I’m teaching her to be ‘selfish.’ I said that my daughter gets to act ‘selfish’ on her birthday and that [my wife] was teaching her daughter to be entitled. Word for word and it led to a bigger argument. We’re not talking as of now,” concluded the OP before asking if he was in the wrong throughout this whole cake debacle.
Most Redditors seemed to agree that Olivia’s birthday = Olivia’s choice of cake. Period.
“It’s Olivia’s birthday, not Britney’s birthday. The cake should be the flavor of what the birthday kid wants. This is a special day for Olivia, therefore there doesn’t really need to be ‘fairness’ between your daughters. I don’t like chocolate, but when it’s my sister’s birthday, we get chocolate because it’s what she likes. I suck it up because it’s her special day,” reads the top comment.
“Your wife is an a–h— for going behind your back. The cake was basically vanilla to make Britney happy, with tiny bits of chocolate for the birthday girl. Why can’t Britney learn to compromise? She’s older. And she should know that she can’t get what she wants on a day that’s NOT her birthday,” concludes the comment with a whopping 37,000 upvotes.
Others noted that the OP’s wife’s decision to remove herself from the festivities is a big red flag. “The wife is also an AH for declining to take part in the celebration when she didn’t get her way. What a manipulative and selfish person,” notes one Redditor.
Ultimately, it seemed like the OP’s wife was calling out the behavior she herself is demonstrating. Classic projection! “I’m so curious if, because OP’s wife wanted a vanilla cake during Olivia’s birthday to please Britney, that that means Britney’s birthday cake would be chocolate to make things fair. I’m pretty sure we all know the answer though. She’s shouting at OP about favoritism because she’s doing it herself,” concluded another Redditor.
Y’all. It shouldn’t be this hard. Birthday kid gets to pick out the birthday cake flavor. If parents run into any arguments with this, chances are they’ve got a lot more to talk about than whether a cake should be chocolate or vanilla.
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