How often is too often for a mother-in-law to visit? In the case of one Reddit user, it’s every weekend. “My mother-in-law has the idea that she can come over every Saturday or Sunday. Both if she can have her way,” the user wrote in AITA forum. “…I’m just so tired and annoyed she always tries to tell me how to raise my kids and how to clean or cook. Because she’s obviously the perfect mother right? We feel obligated to be home because she wants to come over. We never get a weekend break. It’s been happening for a little over a year now.”
She added that her mother-in-law doesn’t have a car so she has to pick her up and drop her off. Plus, it’s been difficult to negotiate agreed upon times. “Last weekend I was sick with a flu and I told her I wasn’t up for visitors,” the Reddit user explained. “She insisted on coming anyways so I told my boyfriend I guess she can come for 4 hours. She seemed upset because she was here from 12:00-4:00. Usually she’s here from 12:00-9:00 or even later if we don’t tell her it’s time to drive her home.”
The user wants to spend her weekends hanging with her kids and not entertaining visitors. She’s unsure about speaking up to her mother-in-law because she doesn’t want to be the a**hole in the situation.
Many Reddit users chimed in to say that they felt it was the OP and her partner’s responsibility to set up firm boundaries of their own. That includes no longer driving to pick her up every weekend. “I suggest you think of an allowable amount of time and invite her at those times only,” one person advised. “Something like, “We’d like to have you over for lunch every other Sunday and we’ll touch base about holidays and birthdays. Any other time you want to drop by, please call me first.”
Another added: “NTA but you’re doing this to yourself by rewarding her bad behavior. You’re opening the door to her. Sometimes you’re picking her up. Tell your boyfriend he can go visit her with the kids or by himself and stay home.”
One person found both no fault and fault in the situation. “NTA for not wanting her over every weekend,” they wrote. “But I’m afraid YTA for utterly giving up control of YOUR life. Please speak up and set boundaries for how YOU would like this relationship to go.”
Should the Reddit user confront her mother-in-law? What’s the best approach to this situation?
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