The lack of awareness around baby loss can make an already traumatic experience eve more difficult.
Tragically in 2020 alone there were 1,719 neonatal deaths in England and Wales, and across the UK, 2,638 stillbirths and around 250,000 miscarriages.
But the awareness of what these terms mean is still very limited within the UK.
UK charity Tommy’s recently conducted a survey into what Brits really know about baby loss.
While 72% of Brits were familiar with the term miscarriage, less than half felt very confident explaining what having a miscarriage meant.
Only 46% had heard of second trimester loss and only 9% of Brits had heard of the term molar pregnancy.
Just 28% felt they could confidently explain a late miscarriage while only 24% felt they could confidently define a molar pregnancy.
The research shows that more awareness of the terminology around baby loss is needed, with more than 60% of respondents wanting more awareness around each term.
Amina Hatia, a qualified NHS midwife and Tommy’s Midwifery Manager, spoke on how to support someone through the loss of a baby.
Amina said people can make a big difference just by ‘learning a little about baby loss – such as the terminology of different types of baby loss and how many people are affected.’
Amina said: ‘Understand that feeling alone and isolated can be one of the most difficult things for those who experience baby loss, and so your willingness to be present in some way with them really matters – more than having exactly the right thing to say’
‘Acknowledge their loss – don’t shy away or feel that bringing it up will remind them. They are more than aware of their loss, the grief they feel is part of their DNA, so they are always aware – but knowing you are willing to speak about their loss will help them feel less alone.’
Amina adds that being aware of your own limited ability to help can be helpful in itself.
She said: ‘Knowing that it is not possible for anyone to “make this better” allows you to be free to offer care and support without any pressure to solve anything.’
Which terms have Brits heard of and how many can define them?
- Miscarriage: 72% have heard of the term, only 42% can confidently explain it
- Stillbirth: 71% have heard of the term, only 40% can confidently explain it
- Premature birth: 70% have heard of the term, only 40% can confidently explain it
- Ectopic pregnancy: 64% have heard of the term, only 30% can confidently explain it
- Termination for medical reasons: 57% have heard of the term, only 35% can confidently explain it
- Second trimester loss (late miscarriage): 46% have heard of the term, only 28% can confidently explain it
- Neonatal death: 43% have heard of the term, only 27% can confidently explain it
- Molar pregnancy: 9% have heard of the term, only 24% can confidently explain it
- None of the above: 8% haven’t heard of any of the above
Avoid saying anything that expresses some requirement of the bereaved person
Rather than burden a bereaved person with questions like ‘what do you need?’, Amina says that simple acts of kindness, like a card through the door, a takeaway voucher or a food gift, can go a long way.
The words ‘at least’ make no sense when someone has lost a baby
As Amina suggests, trying to ‘look on the bright side’ at a time when someone is experiencing unimaginable sorrow could cause greater upset – and understandably so.
Be willing to express openness and availability
By simply communicating that you’re here to listen, you may give someone the encouragement to open up – should they wish to do so.
Amina says it may be worthwhile to say something like, ‘I know that you may not want to talk about what has happened but please know that I am here to listen if you ever do’.
Where appropriate, share your own story
Amina advises that it’s important to be cautious with this approach, as everyone’s experience of loss is personal.
However, there may be some value in saying something like: ‘I don’t know exactly what you are going through but I have gone through something similar so am here if you need me’.
Be guided by them
Ultimately, the person whose feelings matter most is the bereaved.
Or as Amina said: ‘If they are not ready to talk, respect that.’
Terminology around baby loss:
- Miscarriage: The loss of a pregnancy during the first 24 weeks.
- Stillbirth: When a baby dies after 24 weeks of pregnancy and before or during birth, it is known as a stillbirth. Sadly, it happens in around 1 in 280 births in England
- Premature birth: When a baby is born before 37 weeks of pregnancy, creating a risk to the baby.
- Ectopic pregnancy: In an ectopic pregnancy, a fertilised egg starts to grow somewhere other than in the normal lining of the womb, usually in 1 of the fallopian tubes. Ectopic pregnancy affects around 1 in 100 pregnancies, creating a potentially life-threatening situation for the mother.
- Termination for medical reasons: If tests show that your baby has a serious genetic or structural condition (not growing in the normal way), you may be offered a termination for medical reasons (an abortion) to end your pregnancy.
- Second trimester loss: Otherwise known as a late miscarriage which happens during your second trimester.
- Neonatal death: When a baby dies within 28 days after they are born.
- Molar pregnancy: There are two types of molar pregnancy, a complete mole and a partial mole. A complete mole happens when a single sperm fertilises an ‘empty’ egg which has none of the mother’s genetic material inside, so a foetus does not develop. A partial mole happens when two sperm fertilise a normal egg. There are usually some early signs of a foetus, but this won’t develop into a baby.
Definitions from UK baby loss charity Tommy’s.
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