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Technology has made our lives so much better in so many ways — but when it comes to sex, sometimes it’s just better to keep things old-school. That’s right; all you need for some next-level sex is a pair of handcuffs and a couple of basic sex positions.
Yup, we saw you perk up in your seat with the mention of handcuffs. Why are handcuffs so damn sexy in the first place? Control — or lack thereof — is a huge factor. And a lot of our attraction to the whole control issue has to do with punching a clock every day.
“For people who have a day-to-day life of being constantly in control, juggling too many tasks with an overload of responsibilities, giving up control in the bedroom can be a huge turn-on,” says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. “It allows them to tap into their bodies sexually and let go without worrying about anyone else’s pleasure but their own. The same goes for someone who is more passive in their day-to-day life. It’s arousing to be the dominant, to be the one in control, calling the shots and orchestrating the entire scene.”
Here are four positions with handcuffs that are going to totally take your sex life to the next level.
The Kinky Missionary
How you do it: “The person on the receiving end lies on her back, hands overhead and cuffed,” says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist at Good Vibrations. “You can up the ante with a second pair of cuffs on the ankles if the bed has legs to loop the cuff’s chain or a length of rope to. The dominant person is on top, probably talking dirty.”
Why it feels so good: “Anyone who already loves missionary position loves it because of the full-body contact and face-to-face intimacy,” she says. “This allows those elements to remain very important and adds a touch of power play: Hands over head and bound exposes the breasts and gives her more of a feeling of being ravished. If someone likes bondage, the immobility and ravishment are generally part of its delight. The ‘top’ gets the delicious feeling of power and that the ‘bottom’ is there for the taking — quite literally.”
Queening in Bondage
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We’v also rounded up a few more cute and comfortable sets of sex cuffs great for beginners and experienced players.
I’m a little freaked out by the idea of restraints. How can I make sure my partner and I both stay safe?
First, don’t do bondage with a person you don’t know well or trust, and agree on a safe word in advance. “A safe word — any word besides ‘no’ or ‘stop,’ basically — allows the bottom person to be in character if she likes; when it’s time to stop, the safe word takes them out of the fantasy scene and interjects real needs in a clear way,” Queen says.
You can also incorporate the stoplight system (red, yellow and green) to let your partner know what’s good, what you may want to pause and talk about or slow down with and what’s a no-no. This is a great way for feeling out boundaries and comfort levels and keeping communication going.
Second: Make sure the object you’re cuffing a person to and the surface they’re resting on is stable. “Even if you don’t cuff someone to a piece of furniture, like a chair or headboard, make sure they’re not going to fall off the side of the sofa (or billionaire’s office desk) or be thrown back onto the bed with their hands tied behind their back,” she says.
A version of this story was originally published February 2015.
Before you go, check out 100 vibrators we’d recommend to all our friends:
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