ON June 14 last year Dianne Grossman’s world was turned upside down when her 12-year-old daughter Mallory killed herself after months of vicious bullying.
Before taking her own life keen gymnast Mallory had seen Snapchat messages asking her when she was going to kill herself, her devastated mum said.
"The messages were vile," Dianne, 46, told Fabulous – speaking to us as part of The Sun's You're Not Alone suicide prevention campaign.
"Now I'd like to I’d like to look her [the bully] in the face and say 'since you were so concerned about it, the answer is June 14.' That's when she'll kill herself."
Dianne, from New Jersey, USA, spoke out as new figures reveal that suicide rates among British schoolgirls and young women have hit a record high.
Data released by the Office for National Statistics show that last year 13.3 per cent of deaths of females aged between five and 19 were due to suicide – that's up by over a third since 2016. It’s the highest percentage recorded since records began in 2001.
Here Dianne, in an effort to prevent more deaths like her daughter's, tells her story…
Mallory was just 10 years old when the bullying started.
She was always a sensitive and quiet child. She adored gymnastics and cheerleading and was very crafty.
She loved nothing more than making homemade bracelets, or getting creative with a sewing kit and transforming old clothes into other things.
Over time, her personality began to change. But it was so gradual, I didn’t see cause for concern.
I thought she was showing signs of a child hitting puberty – normal teen behaviour. I had no idea they were signs of being suicidal.
Mallory was struggling in school and having a tricky time making friends.
Like any other mum, I just assumed she’d work it out.
KNOW THE SIGNS From drinking too much to a lack of sleep…10 signs your loved one could be at risk of suicide
Aged 10, Mallory would come home from school and tell me she had a bad day because a group of girls had been mean to her.
They’d call her names, kick her chair and call her a b***h, a w***e or a s**t.
They’d make fun of her and say she has no friends, no one likes her and that she couldn’t sit with them at lunch.
They’d follow her to the bathroom and tell her if she told on them they’d kick her ass.
Of course, they didn’t do anything in front of the teachers. They were sneaky.
When Mallory told me about the offensive comments, I rang up the school on several occasions to discuss what was going on. Still, the bullying continued.
She told me the girls had instructed her to wear a pink t-shirt with blue denim shorts.
The plan was for them all to wear the same so they could be a part of what they called “the squad.”
The next day Mallory wore the specified outfit, but no one else did – so they made fun of her.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet, it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun has launched the You're Not Alone campaign. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there's nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others. You're Not Alone.
For a list of support services available, please see the Where To Get Help box below.
As it was towards the end of the school year, I told Mallory to avoid the girls and to enjoy the summer holidays – and that’s exactly what we did. Only when Mallory went back to school, nothing changed.
As the weeks passed, her grades began to plummet. She went from being an A-grade student to failing her science class.
She’d started making excuses as to why she couldn’t go to school and would tell me she had a bad tummy or a headache.
I knew my girl was exhausted from the name-calling, but being a gymnast, tiredness wasn't uncommon.
It wasn’t until the day before Mallory took her own life that I learned about the extent of what the girls had put her through for nine long months.
That day, Mallory had gone to three different tables at lunch and been told by the girls at each that she wasn’t allowed to sit with them.
She came home and started to cry. That’s when she opened up to me about everything.
She broke down and told me the girls had been contacting her on social media.
Mallory didn’t have Snapchat, so they’d screenshot the images and text them to her so she could see what they were saying.
The messages were vile. One read: “You have no friends. When are you going to kill yourself?”
Until this point, I thought these girls were picking on her and making her life miserable. But I really didn’t understand the hate they had.
Telling someone you have no friends and no one likes you – that’s mean-spirited. But telling someone to go and kill themselves, that’s pure poison.
I was so frustrated, angry and sad that someone was picking on my child. I felt helpless.
Telling someone you have no friends and no one likes you – that’s mean-spirited. But telling someone to go and kill themselves, that’s pure poison
I didn’t know who to talk to, or what to do.
So I rang one of the girl’s mums about the things her daughter had been saying to Mallory.
It became a verbal fight that lasted about 20 minutes.
She said things like: “Can’t your daughter take a joke?”, or “My daughter would never say the things you’re saying.” She just defended her daughter’s behaviour.
At 9.30pm that night, I sent the school an email with some of the images Mallory had been receiving.
The next day – June 14, 2017 – I had a three-hour meeting and told them I wanted to withdraw Mallory from the school. Devastatingly, by this point, it was too late.
Mallory’s first attempt at taking her own life was her last attempt. She was just 12 years old.
I was heartbroken. There’s no other way to describe it.
The day Mallory was cremated, June 20, was the hardest day of my life. It was the last day I saw her body.
Thousands of people came out to show their support. We had an outside service with flowers galore. Mallory loved flowers.
Every day since, my mind repeats: “Mallory’s gone”. Like a broken record… scratched, playing the same thing on every skip.
What went wrong? How did this happen? How did I not know how bad it really was?
To the curious little girl, who’s yet to apologise for asking: “Hey Mal, when are you gonna kill yourself?"
“June 14… I’d like to look her in the face and say, June 14th. Since you were so concerned about it, the answer is June 14th.”
And to the mum who said: “Can’t your daughter take a joke?” The answer is no. She didn’t take it as a joke.
To the little girl [who asked] 'Hey Mal, when are you gonna kill yourself?'… since you were so concerned about it, the answer is June 14
To people who think words of hate are funny… again, my answer is no.
It wasn’t funny, it was the last straw. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of hindsight.
As soon as Mallory’s grades plummeted, I should’ve taken her to be evaluated from a mental health perspective.
As parents, we take our kids to the doctors when they have a cold, or for yearly check-ups for their eyes, nose and ears to be healthy.
Yet we rarely talk about their brain development, heart or emotional wellbeing.
I should’ve treated Mallory more like a victim. When a victim is hurt, we take care of them.
The problem was, I didn’t realise she was being victimised.
To any girls being bullied out there, I would tell them that bad things happen to good people every day. Please, find your voice.
There are people in this world that love you – whether they’re your family or friends.
Instead of focusing on the three or four who hate you, focus on the ones who adore you.
It breaks my heart to hear that suicide rates among British schoolgirls are up to the highest-ever level. But I’m not surprised.
Since 2006, suicide rates have gone up 43 per cent in the US. Our children are in crisis.
I absolutely link the rate of suicide going up to online behaviour, stress and anxiety, mass shootings, and the violence that’s going on – it’s all related.
We should value mental health and psychological development in kindergarten.
We must start early, rather than waiting until fourth and fifth grade to begin talking about mental health.
Psychological wellbeing is just as important as maths and science. It needs to be treated that way.
Over a year on, our hearts are broken for our tragic loss.
Each day that ticks by, is one day further away from when we last kissed Mallory’s face.
But I will ensure my daughter’s life will not be in vain. We must put an end to bullying. I don't want any other parents to have been left with what I have – a cardboard box full of possessions, signifying 12 years of life.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
Source: Read Full Article