‘Everyone’s gagging for positive reinforcement’: Harry Styles admits he was ‘so concerned with people liking him’ and says he ‘never celebrated’ the big wins in One Direction
Harry Styles has opened up about his struggles with public perception during the early days of his career when he joined One Direction.
The singer, 28, who has gone on to garner huge solo success, admitted he was desperate to be liked and felt the need for positive reinforcement from his fans, often going on social media to ‘remind people I’m alive’.
The former boyband star also touched on how he ‘never celebrated’ the big wins during his time in the band and ‘only felt relief’ when they did well, concluding that he felt like he was ’emotionally coasting’ and ‘not really feeling anything’.
Candid: Harry Styles has opened up about his struggles with public perception during the early days of his career when he joined One Direction
Speaking to DJ Zane Lowe on Apple Music 1, Harry revealed he is now in a much healthier headspace regarding his relationships with other people and how he feels like he is ‘okay with protecting his boundaries’.
Circling back to the start of his career in the band, Harry said: ‘I kind of emotionally coasted. I didn’t really feel anything. And we’d go through real highs in the band and stuff, and it would always just feel like a relief. Like, “Oh, we didn’t fail. That feels like a massive relief.”
Harry said he has now broken away from coasting and credits therapy for helping him to ‘open doors’ into rooms he was yet to explore.
Early days: The singer, 28, who has gone on to garner huge solo success, admitted he was desperate to be liked and felt the need for positive reinforcement from his fans, often going on social media to ‘remind people I’m alive’ (pictured in 2013)
He said: ‘I never really felt like I celebrated anything. And I had a great time. Like, truly. And I think sometimes, with therapy as an example, is you open a bunch of doors in your house that you didn’t know existed, you find all these rooms and you get to explore them.
‘And then in a time when it would be easier to emotionally coast, you can no longer do that.’
Harry said that another thing he felt while in the band was the need to be ‘liked’, telling Zane that ‘everyone in this industry just wants to be loved’.
He said: ‘I think it was maybe the Emmys or something and Michaela Coel won, and she said, “Don’t confuse visibility with success.” And I think it’s so… It can’t be put better than that, I think.
Deep thoughts: The former boyband star also touched on how he ‘never celebrated’ the big wins during his time in the band and ‘only felt relief’ when they did well, concluding that he felt like he was ’emotionally coasting’ and ‘not really feeling anything’
‘And it’s not an easy place to get to, because it’s a world where we all just want to be loved, and then inside that, music is an industry where everyone just really wants to be loved really bad. And everyone’s just kind of gagging for it in that kind of positive reinforcement.
‘Yeah, and I think what is so exciting and dangerous about it is that you put so much love into an industry that’s so fickle in that, it loves you back when you’re doing well. And if you’re not, you’re just out.
‘And it’s understandable, that it’s really scary to go away and be like, “No one’s talking about me,” or, “No one cares,” all of that stuff, get into that kind of place. And I have to get onto social media and remind people I’m alive or all of that stuff. And I just kind of feel like I did a lot of that constant thing when I was in the band.’
Opening up: Harry said he has now broken away from coasting and credits therapy for helping him to ‘open doors’ into rooms he was yet to explore (pictured with Zane)
Harry admitted part of his problem was giving people too much of his time due to lack of boundaries and said he now only spends time with ‘people who he loves and who love him’, cutting out the people who don’t have a ‘positive affect’.
He revealed: ‘I used to feel really guilty for trying to protect the space around me and being defensive of it.
‘And I felt like I was so concerned with people liking me, that I would kind of give up too much space around me that would affect me negatively.
‘And I think now I feel okay putting boundaries up and I’m okay now, I think, feeling like if I’m not spending time with people that I love and people who love me, I’d rather be on my own. I don’t really have that need to be around people who don’t positively affect each other.’
Bandmates: Harry said that another thing he felt while in the band was the need to be ‘liked’, telling Zane that ‘everyone in this industry just wants to be loved’
Harry said he has been more carefully balancing his time and investing in his relationships, which he was able to do during the pandemic.
Detailing his hectic schedule, which meant he can’t always attend events with his loved ones, Harry said: ‘You miss so many birthdays and stuff like that. And then eventually, it’s just assumed that you’re unable to be at stuff.
‘And I think that was one of the things where I was like, “Oh, I want to take a second to invest some more time into balancing my life out a little bit.” This working is not everything about who I am, it’s something I do.
‘And I don’t want to be defined as a person necessarily by what I do all the time. I want to be able to put that down. And for a really long time, I didn’t really know who I was if I didn’t do this. And that’s really scary because you go like, “Okay, well if this ends, am I going to be good at handling it? What am I going to feel like?”
‘And I think it just gave me an opportunity to get comfortable with who I am and get to know that person a little bit more. And putting out the first single from this album was far and away the most relaxed I’ve ever felt putting anything out. I no longer feel like my overall happiness is dependent on whether a song goes here or goes here.’
Making changes: Harry said he has been more carefully balancing his time and investing in his relationships, which he was able to do during the pandemic (pictured December 2013)
Elsewhere during the chat, Harry reflected on his connection with his One Direction bandmates, saying he, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, and Louis Tomlinson will always have ‘respect’ and ‘deep love’ for one another.
Harry said it was nice being around others who understood what he was going through.
‘I feel really lucky that we always had each other to be this unit that felt like you could keep each other in check and you could just have someone else who gets it,’ he said.
‘Because it’s impossible to not, at times I think everyone experiences this, feel like, “Oh, everyone else is on the other side of the glass and I’m on this side of the glass, and no one really gets it.”‘
‘And I think having that is kind of priceless. There is very much a respect between all of us, if we did something together,’ he said.
Connection: Elsewhere during the chat, Harry reflected on his connection with his One Direction bandmates, saying he, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne , and Louis Tomlinson will always have ‘respect’ and ‘deep love’ for one another
‘And that is something that you can’t really undo. And you know, it’s like a very deep love for each other, I think.’
Harry was just 16 years old when he and his bandmates were discovered separately on The X Factor before Simon Cowell brought them all together and formed One Direction.
They soared to stardom with an array of hits under their belt, including What Makes You Better and Story of My Life.
Malik left the band in 2015, and they all split up the following year.
Boy band: Zayn left the band in 2015, and they all split up that same year
Source: Read Full Article