The two-hour season finale of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation found our favorite drunk reality stars heading to perhaps the only city with shadier individuals than Las Vegas:
And they headed there for a very exciting cause: The prison release of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino.
Or at least the protest of such a release.
Indeed, after Mike’s wife, Lauren, FaceTimed Jenni “JWoww” Farley to say her husband would be released from jail the next day, Jenni invited the roommates to crash at her new house because she lived the closest to the Sorrentino house and to the prison facility.
This prompted Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Deena Cortese and Angelina Pivarnick to arrive with buckets full of wine and to party hard before Vinny Guadagnino and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro showed up.
(Pauly D couldn’t make it until the following day.)
While everyone was eating, a rather somber Lauren FaceTimed to say she wasn’t certain when Sorreninto would be getting released because she alleged they refused to give him a date.
The group was understandably devastated, but the call actually inspired the wasted ladies to come up with a terrible yet very sweet idea:
Fly to Washington, D.C. to “free Sitch!”
No, really, this was their plan and they actually executed it.
“Listen, I’m ready to do what Kim Kardashian did,” Deena told the group.
“What, make porn?” Vinny asked, instantly becoming our hero.
“No, go to f-cking Washington, D.C. and go to the president. If Kim Kardashian can get somebody out of jail, why can’t we?” she replied.
“Kim Kardashian went to the White House and got people out of jail, so I feel if we go down to D.C., we make signs, we march, there’s a chance we can free the Sitch!”
This was a reference to Kardashian really did help free an inmate named Alice Johnson several months ago.
While the ladies were discussing private jets and how the President is a reality star who would totally be receptive to other reality stars, the men simply couldn’t stop laughing.
“What makes this plan even worse is that it’s being come up with by a bunch of moms that just drank like four bottles of wine,” Vinny later told the camera, as the screen quickly flashed to the girls’ joint confessional, where they were falling over each other and shouting:
“Don’t be a bitch! Free Sitch!”
This somehow led to a discussion of the government and how it was constituted and to Vinny explaining there was an executive, a legislative and a judicial branch, to which Angelina wanted to know:
“What’s a judicional?”
SiGH. These people are nearly as ignorant as our current Commander-in-Chief.
To their credit, though, they knew how to make Donald Trump listen.
“We’re gonna do whatever we can to get Mike out,” Deena said, as Vinny asked, “What if you had to blow the guy?“
“If I have to take one for the team,” Angelina replied. “I’ll do it.”
Fast forward a private plane flight… tons more wine… handmade posters… and the women touching down in D.C. to protest on behalf of their imprisoned friend.
When they passed “the pointy thing” typically known as the Washington Monument, Angelina asked if they had found the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Alas, they had not.
Despite accomplishing nothing aside from entertaining viewers, Snooki said she thought they “made an impact” as they made their way back to Jersey.
At the conclusion of the episode, Mike called Vinny and put Sitch on speakerphone.
He sounded sort of sad and said he still hadn’t been released or been given a date.
He told the gang the latest they could keep him incarcerated was Septemner 12 — and that’s the day he was released.
And, hey, the guy is doing pretty darn well now!
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