Fantasy football isn't real (hence the name), but it can have real life consequences. Lee Sanderlin knows first-hand about the pain that can come from a last-place fantasy football finish.
Sanderlin, a journalist for the Clarion Ledger in Jackson, Mississippi, finished last in his 2020 fantasy football league. His punishment? Spend 24 hours in a Waffle House, with one hour subtracted for each waffle he could eat.
He ended up eating nine waffles and spent 15 hours in a Waffle House, and we know this because he tweeted through the entire ordeal.
It started innocently enough, but with a decidedly ominous tone. Sanderlin knew what lay ahead of him.
I am coming to you live from a Brandon, Mississippi Waffle House. I, a total loser, came in last place in my fantasy football league. As punishment, I spend 24 hours in a Waffle House. Every waffle I eat shaves an hour off the clock. It’s 4:07 Central. pic.twitter.com/oRugzU7rQT
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 17, 2021
He managed to eat two waffles in the first hour, but it got much harder from there.
Four waffles down. Been here for 1.5 hours, so that means I have 18.5 to go. I am already in immense discomfort. Please, somebody, launch me into the sun pic.twitter.com/LyyZObcmQ3
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 17, 2021
Two kids picking "Eye of the Tiger" on TouchTunes got Sanderlin ready for his fifth waffle, but then he started to hit a wall.
7:07 CT. 3 hours, 4.75 waffles down. So many hours to go
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
It took him over an hour to finish the last quarter of waffle No. 5, so it was no surprise that No. 6 wasn't going down easy.
Y’all they’re going down like cement now, and the heart is beating real heavy-like. I’m the only non-employee in here. Got half of waffle 6 left and so many hours.
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
Sanderlin shared a screenshot of his Week 8 fantasy roster, which he called "just not good." One look should tell you that "just not good" is quite an understatement.
I found my roster from like week 8 or whatever. Just not good. Also, I am definitely puking soon pic.twitter.com/L7l2xFmUF9
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
He finally finished waffle No. 6 more than two hours after he'd ordered it, and then went outside to vomit in the bushes. (Thankfully, he said that he wasn't being penalized for vomit breaks.) He still had so far to go.
Hello. It is hour 7. Where we stand: 6 waffles consumed. 11 hours remain. Insides are in shambles, but two kind Mississippians came in and gave me some Rolaids. Shoutout those people. Yr boy is in PAIN
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
He ordered waffle No. 7, but he just couldn't get it down. His one-line tweet in the wee hours of the morning was almost poetic.
Full of waffles but devoid of life
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
After spending a few hours in his car to recharge his phone (something the rules also allowed him to do), Sanderlin went back inside the Waffle House for the final push, though he still hadn't finished his seventh waffle.
The good news: I’m 10 hours and 6 waffles down. The bad news: I’m scheduled for 8 more hours, and I have no idea how I’ll eat another waffle, let alone the remnants of no. 7 that have been staring me in the face for 3 hours now
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
He finally finished his seventh waffle, then came up with a plan to finally get himself out of there.
Ok, I have four hours left. Again, the plan here is to order two waffles at 6 am CT and get out of here at 7. That would be 9 waffles and an amount of calories I don’t want to think about
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
He ordered his waffles on time, and through sheer willpower alone managed to put them away. He finally got to leave at 6:37 a.m. CT.
The sun is rising, it’s a new day and I’m never eating waffles again. That’s 9 waffles and 15 hours in this restaurant. S/o to the staff for letting me hang out on a slow night (I tipped them well don’t worry). This was horrible and I recommend no one ever do this. pic.twitter.com/PDGsuHYINf
— Lee Sanderlin (@LeeOSanderlin) June 18, 2021
Congratulations, Lee Sanderlin! You survived your fantasy football punishment. I'm sure that will inspire you to do better next year, but in the meantime please get your cholesterol checked. Nine Waffle House waffles are no joke.
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