By the end of 10 seasons of Friends, Rachel, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Chandler were all loving life in their respective careers.
After flopping in failed play after failed play, starring as Al Pacino’s butt and becoming an STI poster boy, Joey (Matt LeBlanc) became a famous actor, starring in war movies alongside Oscar winners, picking up Soapy award nominations – and he didn’t even need his hand twin to make it big time.
Ross (David Schwimmer) got his tenure at New York University; Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) was about to be whisked off to Paris to work for Louis Vuitton; Monica (Courteney Cox) was head chef at one of New York’s most esteemed restaurants; Chandler (Matthew Perry) actually took the plunge for a huge career change way before Rishi Sunak urged us to follow Fatima’s lead and start again; and Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) accepted working for a capitalist massage giant wasn’t so bad after all.
But like everyone in 2020, the gang’s life will have been flipped upside down in the global pandemic. Few jobs have been safe over the past six months, and the six-piece would have endured all the fears of instability the rest of us have too.
So, according to the UK government’s career assessment, what should Rachel, Ross, Joey, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe do next?
Metro.co.uk has trawled through the government’s assessment so the troupe don’t have to – because we genuinely know them better than we know our actual friends.
Rachel – Funeral Director
According to Boris Johnson and his government career assessment, Rachel would be the perfect funeral director. Why? She makes decisions quickly, abandoning her life in New York to accept a job in Paris in such a hurry she forgot to consult the father of her child, Ross.
Rachel’s not particularly competitive, managing to squeeze in a stroll and grab a pretzel during the blood-thirsty battle for the Geller Cup and was much more reluctant to give up her apartment to the boys than Monica when their dual got out of hand. However, throw a man and his lost phone into the mix, it was game on when going up against Phoebe for his affections.
She knows how to get what she wants, convincing Ross’s girlfriend Bonnie to shave off her long locks for a bald head which quite literally reflected the moonlight.
She’s creative – because shopping counts, right? – and isn’t scared to get stuck into a practical challenge and try something new. Beef trifle, anyone?
Ross – Climate Scientist
It turns out that the mastermind behind superhero comic book series Science Boy, really did find his calling as a paleontologist – aka a dinosaur doctor. The government’s career assessment urges Ross to stay in science, but perhaps move field to climate change.
Like his demanding sister Monica, Ross has no issue giving direction, or talking in front of people – even if they don’t want to listen. His key note speech was a more successful sedative than actual anesthesia.
Ross loves working with facts and is very reluctant to accept others’ point of view. Phoebe’s mother couldn’t have been reincarnated as a cat, and don’t even get him started on evolution – Phoebe learned the hard way.
However, he would also love to help, teaching Phoebe to ride a bike, and loves trying new things. Few would dare attempt to master leather pants or bag pipes, and after watching Ross’ attempts at both the rest of us now know to give them a miss.
Ross will always see things through, he will never walk away from a task unfinished. Can you name all 50 states? Course not, and neither could Ross but he refused to give up nonetheless
Joey – Beekeeper
Until Joey became known to the masses as Dr Drake Ramoray, he was pretty content eating two pizzas, watching Baywatch and playing with his chick and duck.
That’s not a euphemism.
He wasn’t particularly competitive, unless it came to women. When he went up against Chandler for the ‘Dutch Girl’, it wasn’t pretty and it cost them both.
He’s not got the best track record of trying new things. Rachel was dangerously close to throwing him overboard when she took him sailing and during a row he doesn’t come to an agreement easily. ‘I’m wearing everything you own.’
As an actor, he loves talking in front of people but when that becomes trickier in a pandemic, the government is suggesting he finds a new audience in bees.
Phoebe – Soldier or nurse
Phoebe loves nothing more than telling people what to do, so much so that give her a little bit of power and she runs a mile. Case in point: she was out of control when in possession of a police badge she found on the street and when dating a food inspector she shut half of New York’s eateries down.
She is, however, the first to help others out. Phoebe gave birth to three babies for her brother and even covered for Rachel when Monica found her positive pregnancy test on her wedding day.
She sees everything through to the end, to the detriment of Monica’s phone bill when she stayed on hold for two days while trying to fix her own phone.
Phoebe’s imagination knows no bounds, which is reflected both her surreal music and even tripper art.
Gladys is a framed nightmare.
But her endless empathy and willingness to help those in need makes her the perfect nurse or soldier, which is fitting when in a previous life she actually was a war nurse.
Monica – Criminologist
If ever there was someone to get a task done, it’s Monica. Her leadership qualities need no explanation. If you’ve ever experienced a wedding, a party, a thanksgiving dinner hosted by Monica – or just spent five minutes in her apartment – you’ll know she loves nothing more than taking control.
Her competitive nature is unbeatable, finally staking claim to the Geller cup after clinging on top that troll doll on a podium for dear life come rain, shine or even snow.
Throughout her career, Monica’s always striven to be the best and while she sometimes struggled to work with others – with staff members going as far as burning her chef uniform – she never let her enemies sabotage the job at hand.
She’s more than comfortable talking people around to her way of thinking – frankly, they don’t have much choice – and while she has no qualms talking in front of people, it’s not her greatest strength, instead such talents fall on her brother Ross.
According to the government’s assessment, Monica could try her hand as a Criminologost.
Chandler – Chef
Chandler actually changed his career from being a… whatever Chandler did… to working in advertising, taking the dive in his 30s with a newfound motivation to succeed.
However, giving orders doesn’t come naturally to Chandler, and when it comes to making decisions, again he’d rather let Monica make the calls. His inability to take control even sent him to Yemen.
Until that fateful night in London where Monica woke up in his bed, Chandler didn’t appear to have his life planned out – he was happy to go with the flow. But then everything changed, he set his sight on the kids, and his dream house in the suburbs.
He knows his place, and is happy to sit out practical tasks. Being the sneaky genius that he is, Chandler pretended to be invested in a football game to keep a safe distance from Monica in the kitchen.
However, despite his aversion to cooking, the government recommend he should follow Monica’s lead and become a chef. Make of that what you will.
Friends is available to stream on Netflix, airs most of the day on Comedy Central and is gradually taking over weekends on Channel 5.
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