They’ve thrown drinks, exchanged rage texts, hurled insults and survived cheating scandals, but Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney-Schwartz always come back to each other, stronger than ever.
On Tuesday’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, the couple prepare to officially wed in a kitschy Las Vegas ceremony three years after the groom forgot to file the proper paperwork. Until Katie discovers another woman’s bra in her husband’s luggage, that is.
“I think that’s yours,” Tom says as they unpack at the hotel, lifting the lacy brassiere out of his suitcase.
“No it’s not,” she replies, shocked, as Tom laughs nervously. “I’ve never seen that before in my life.”
“Bubba, yes it is!” he replies, growing agitated as Katie insists it’s not. “Dude, what are you doing to me, man? I’m so f—ed.”
And he’s sticking to that story. “Maybe I haven’t always been innocent, but you know, mostly, and definitely as a lately,” he insists in a confessional. “You know, I’ve got a clear conscience, nothing to hide, so get the fricking DNA tests out.”
Just when fans start to worry that Schwartz-y has slid back into his blackout/make-out habit, Lisa Vanderpump comes clean.
“His case came to my room, and my case went to his room, so I put some of my underwear in Schwartz’s luggage,” the restaurateur confides in Katie. “And I just didn’t want you to be upset, because, listen, he didn’t file the paperwork. Everybody’s always saying he gets away with s—, okay, and he’s never held accountable. So let’s hold him accountable for something he didn’t do.”
“He’s gonna s— himself. Let’s do it,” Katie says, smiling.
The jig is up the next morning as they’re getting ready to say “I do” in their hotel room. Katie tells Tom, “I don’t know if we should do this today, because there’s a bra in your bag that’s not mine. I don’t know if I can marry you.”
“Bubba! Don’t do that,” Tom says, collapsing on the bed.
“I’m just f—ing with you,” she confesses, prompting Tom to correctly guess the true owner of the bra.
“Let’s just see if she forgets, because I want to keep it,” he jokes. “Not in a weird way.”
All pranks aside, the nuptials went off without incident, officiated by Stassi Schroeder in a nun’s habit and Tom Sandoval dressed as Elvis. The ink dries, and Katie and Tom are finally, legally, man and wife.
At least, we think so? After a night of heavy drinking, Tom can’t find the wedding certificate … again.
“I married an imbecile, but it’s okay,” Katie tells the camera.
Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.
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