Becca chooses between Garrett and Blake — and one of them gets absolutely crushed by her decision.
It’s here. The finale of season 309,293 of "The Bachelorette."
Becca Kufrin has gone through all the emotions, all the kisses, and almost all the men on the planet. Did she find love in the end, though?
After a three-hour episode… she better have!
Chris Harrison Kicks Off The Night
Chris, we love you, but you’re the last thing we want to see tonight! Get on with the show! How is this thing three hours long? THIS IS HOW.
The only part of his intro that needs to be relayed is that he claims that it’s the most emotional finale they’ve ever had.
But we’re also pretty sure he always says that.
Can’t Spell “Maldives” Without “Mal,” Which Means Bad in Some Languages
Look, this show is about finding love! We get that. But we would also argue that the show is also about heartbreak, and a crushing one at that. Does it make it easier to be broken up with if you can see deep down into the crystal clear water of the Indian Ocean?
Maybe.
But it also makes it tempting to just jump in and let the current take you away after you get second place on a TV show about finding love in a pile of dudes.
The Maldives are pretty, though. That part is true. But heartbreak is ugly.
Both Guys Meet Becca’s Family
Becca’s family, probably thanking the stars that this is all finally over and the cameras will be out of their lives, met up with their girl and she admitted that she loves them both.
She asked them to help her choose.
Like, on one hand, yeah, they should have some input, but girl the decision has always been yours.
Garrett Makes A Great Impression
Garrett brought flowers, brought hugs, brought his XXXL smile, and his A-game. He looked incredibly happy to see them, though he knows that the last dude they met was Arie, and we all know how that ended (terribly). We couldn’t even see Garrett’s nerves!
Garrett even made a toast to Becca’s late father, and that was so great, too.
But then everyone sat down for dinner and yet again nobody got a chance to eat, and instead broke off to chat one on one. Why does that keep happening? Why does the show need to pretend that they’re going to eat a meal?
Anyway, Garrett was asked about his previous marriage by Uncle Chuck, who should definitely be the next Bachelor. Garrett explained the rift, and was open and honest about it all, despite the difficulty of the question.
Garrett then broke down in tears in front of him, talking about his family and what they’ve gone through, and it was such an amazing moment. And he said that he can’t control his emotions anymore, they’re just getting the best of him.
He then cried with Becca’s sister! Tears everywhere! And they were all sincere tears!
All we could think is this dude HAS to win.
Then, Becca’s sister relayed this to her, and Becca started crying! Was the whole episode like this? At three hours, WE started crying! But it was because we were tired.
Blake Meets the Fam
Blake also brought flowers, though we’re not sure if Becca’s family has enough vases for all these first impression flowers they’re getting.
He looked a little more nervous than Garrett was!
Also, we’re not sure about Blake’s hair. Why are we just now noticing how flat it looks at the top? Is it too late for a red flag? Shit.
Anyway, Becca’s sister got a first crack at him… and it wasn’t nearly as emotional as Garrett’s. Actually, we know we’ve been pulling for Garrett for a long time now, but we don’t feel like Blake’s nearly as genuine in his answers as Garrett was. Or in general.
Becca’s sister, Emily, then relayed to Becca that Blake is going to challenge her and be more of a teammate than Garrett, who would be a better family man and father. Becca then said she always thought it would be Blake at the end.
The Mom got the next sit-down with Blake, and yet again we didn’t get the same genuine vibes from him that we did Garrett. And then she asked how he would be if she didn’t pick him and just the question sent him into a tailspin.
Blake thought it was so weird for her to ask (he didn’t bring it up until a confessional cutaway, he didn’t ask her about it or anything), and it looked like it rocked him to his core. He’s always been less confident, which to us screams weakness and not sensitivity. It was then "all he could think about."
THEN HE GOT ASKED ABOUT IT AGAIN BY ALL THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS!
So he was freaking out even more! This was the biggest red flag we’ve seen from Blake, and we don’t know how he’d handle the ups and downs of a relationship at all. It’s not endearing, Blake, it’s a red flag for sure.
Becca’s Family Was No Help
Of course they were non-committal on either guy. They were supportive, so that’s nice, but c’mon guys, you were brought here to help so HELP! Make a choice for her!
In all seriousness, they just want her to be happy, like any good family would.
Reading between the lines though, it felt like they were leaning towards Blake, and said he was more her equal — but that he also was more like her too. In a relationship, you don’t want to marry your doppelgänger, you want someone to compliment you and be the yin to your yang.
Right?
Garrett’s Final Date
They went out on the water! We guess if you’re in the Maldives, that’s what you do. You don’t go hang out in the gift shop when you want to find love.
Out on the water, they made out. Right in front of all of us, and the captain. It was hot.
Anyway, Garrett asked her what her family thought about him, and mid-conversation they saw a buttload of dolphins. If you ever needed a sign that someone was right, it’s when a thousand dolphins come out of nowhere and — wait a second. Did the show hire a bunch of dolphins and set up that moment? There’s no way, right?
And then Becca said if there was a place she could pick to die, it would be right there with Garrett and all the dolphins. And then she did, she died right there on the show in Garrett’s arms and her soul rocketed straight at a dolphin, who punted it with its tail straight up to heaven.
The season ended on just the worst note possible.
That’s obviously not true, but like, what weird thing to say when you’re on a date with someone, right? It’s like, we understand it means that you’re so happy that even the worst thing that could happen to you in that moment would be okay, but it’s such a dark thing to mention when you really think about it.
The takeaway though is that they both looked so happy that saying stupid things just didn’t matter, and in fact it felt like they couldn’t control it.
Later in the evening, Garrett and Becca talked about their future, their future kids, snoring, sleeping on the couch because snoring, and it was adorable.
Then, Becca started to get serious about her dad, and all we could see was her fake eyelashes. It was a great moment, and we were so distracted.
Oh well. We were like, he’s gotta win, right? "If he doesn’t," we thought, "we’ll burn this city to the ground."
Garrett even said that he loved her so much that he’d let her tear his heart out if that meant she would end up happy, and that’s what she deserved. Do you think he won?
Blake’s Final Date
Blake showed up to his final date in a bro-tank, and they went on a bike ride across the island, to go to a beach, to hop on a paddleboard, to get off the paddleboard and into the ocean. Then they got out of the ocean, and sat on the beach, dripping wet, and started getting real with each other next to two label-less beers.
Becca mentioned that her family really loved him, and revealed that her sister didn’t go last year to meet Arie, and made sure she wouldn’t make the same mistake this year. Emily then left saying that she was so happy with both the choices.
Blake then said he noticed that something was off the other day (it wasn’t) and that he would normally try and protect himself but decided not to, and challenged her not to be in her head for the rest of the date.
Like, bro, you have been up in your own head this entire season, that’s so hypocritical.
Then they made out while knee-deep in the water.
Later, they had the rest of their date on a couch while the rain came down outside. This is where Blake presented her with a gift (that’s cheating, and bribery), and it’s a time capsule with his favorite moments of the journey.
She seemed to love it, but the last few times someone gave her things it was around her giving them the boot.
Honestly, Blake feels too needy and he’ll be spending their relationship constantly jealous.
The Choice
After reading an emotional letter from her sister about how proud Emily was of Becca, we got to the good stuff: the rings.
First up was Garrett, who sat down with Neil, the Ring Monger (that’s what we call him), and they discussed the options. He chose the one that had the concept that was closest to his relationship with Becca. Something about ovals and the past present and future? Honestly it was shiny and probably very expensive (and the true reason to go on this show – free ring!), and it was fine.
Blake got the same treatment, re: the rings. After taking a gratuitous shower, he read through his diary a bit, then went to go pick out the rock for Becca’s finger. His didn’t get a cute story though, he just liked how it “popped off the band,” so take that for what it’s worth.
Becca, elsewhere, picked out a white dress with sequins, which did not surprise us. She ended a season of sparkle with sparkle. Gotta respect the commitment at this point, we guess, even though we didn’t really dig the dress. Is it too late for a red flag for the fellas?
So who did she send home?
Blake Gets His Heart Ripped Out and Thrown to the Sharks
Holy. Hell.
We’ve been pulling for Garrett the whole season, but that was so brutal for Blake. We still feel like Becca really dodged a bullet here. He wasn’t strong enough for Becca.
Becca said that she was so wrapped up with her initial feeling for him, that she put the other relationships aside. But there was one other person that had a piece to him that she couldn’t yet say goodbye to.
And that was Garrett.
Blake looked like he was hit by a semi — a semi that had a tanker on the back carrying thousands of gallons of sweat, because not only was he shocked and devastated, he was drenched.
She said that said that they could probably fit together, but there was a better fit out there for them.
Blake said he didn’t expect it, and thought she was making a mistake, and that nobody could make her as happy as he could.
Walking him out, she said she never wanted him to question himself, and kept saying over and over that for the long time she was so sure, which is not the best thing to tell someone as you’re breaking them in half.
He said, “I love you,” and then, “goodbye.” Then he walked away.
Becca spent some time in the trees saying she couldn’t breathe, but Blake was off crushed, unable to think of anything but how happy she would be when Garrett proposes to her. And that, folks, is why he didn’t deserve to win. He was more worried about that than not spending his life with her.
Blake Joins Chris Harrison Live
Blake was obviously still torn up about it, but the first thing we thought was, “There’s gotta be a better haircut for this guy, right?”
He said it was so hard for him to be so sure of something and end up being so wrong.
Blake also said that he started to think that the only red flag they had was that there weren’t any red flags at all. But we beg to differ. He should go back and read our articles, because we saw plenty of them.
Another interesting thing he said was that as he watched the season, the hardest part was not watching her with the other men, but was watching her with himself. And seeing her say she was in love with him to the camera.
Blake Faces Becca, Live
Chris brought out Becca during the live portion of the show, and let Blake ask her some questions.
And his question was: Was there a moment that she knew her decision?
She said no, of course, because anyone with a heart would be diplomatic in this situation. Blake then asked if there was something that worried her about their future?
Again, no.
We just couldn’t see this actually being helpful for Blake, because sometimes with matters of the heart there isn’t a definitive answer, and making someone try and give a definitive answer anyway doesn’t seem worth it.
Blake ended saying that he feels so lucky that she was his Bachelorette, and wished her his happiness.
This Episode Didn’t Need To Be 3 Hours Long
For real.
Garrett’s The One
And what a moment it was, hearing Becca finally tell Garrett that she loves him, vindicating us for a season full of relentless support for him.
She made the right choice!
The Walking Smile walked straight up to Becca, and both their lives changed. He echoed everything he’s been saying all season to her about how much he loves her, and how happy he is to be with her. He was considerably less sweaty than Blake.
And then she opened up to him.
She said she didn’t know what to expect out of this journey, but there was something about him from the beginning. He got the first rose, he got her first journal entry, and he reminds her of his dad (is that sweet or weird?). She then told him that she loved him, and he was SO HAPPY TO HEAR IT!
Garrett then got down on one knee, and proposed.
SHE SAID YES!!!
“It’s you, it’s us!” she exclaimed. Then they made out on the beach, and she asked him to accept the final rose.
And he didn’t!
Just kidding, he did.
The end.
Epilogue: Chris Harrison Chats with Becca and Garrett
Chris paraded the happy couple out on stage, both of them so thrilled to not be in hiding. Body language alone, you could tell Becca was head over heels for Garrett.
Here are some musings:
- Becca likes the ring, and liked it in the moment
- Becca’s mind is blown that the Bachelorette process worked
- Garrett didn’t know it was him to win in the end, but he laid it out there anyway
- Becca knew Garrett was the one right after the home visit, but like, she said something very different to Blake so whatever? That’s TV!
- Garrett also knew during the home visit, but it was also the Thailand paddleboarding
- Becca bought him a mullet wig, to keep their rendezvous private
- An Instagram scandal was brought up, where shortly after his debut on “The Bachelorette,” Garrett liked some posts that were racist and homophobic. Garrett apologized again last night, and Becca has stood next to him. He claims they were “mindless taps.” Those were a lot of mindless taps, bro. Honestly we’re shaken by this, because we supported him all season. Woof.
Now we don’t know what to think.
Anywho, see ya next season? Yeah, we’ll see you next season.
P.S.: They’re moving in together, there are no wedding plans yet, "The Bachelorette" is sending them back to Thailand as a gift (For whom? Us or them? HA!), and a crappy van like the one that Garrett first pulled up to the show in.
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