Ronnie, Snooki and Angelina also discuss stories of the bible, how we came to be and what happens to airplane poop after you flush.
Thursday marked the season finale of "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation." But don’t worry, Season 3 was just picked up by MTV.
As expected, the roommates went out with a bang, but it wasn’t all fun and games. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro had been doing so well since he blocked his baby mama, Jen Harley, after she sent him photos of his ex-girlfriend, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. But after a few days of silence, Jen called Ron and said their home had been broken into while she and the baby were sleeping.
"Jen’s telling me that somebody broke into the house," Ronnie explained during a confessional. "Basically, the guy came in through the back door, and he ransacked the house. She was laying in bed, she heard shuffling, he saw that she moved and just f–king ran out the house."
"At the end of the day, that’s still the mother of my child, and I have to make sure she’s okay," he added. "Because if she’s not okay then my child’s not okay."
The roommates were trying to be sympathetic to Ronnie, but no one believed Jen. "I don’t buy it, not for one second," Pauly D whispered to the gang while Ron was on the phone. "Jen is up to no good, because the last time I talked to Ronnie, he had blocked Jen. I think she’s just doing this to get Ronnie to talk to her."
Listening in to the conversation, Angelina Pivanick decided she didn’t believe Jen, either — especially because Jen said the only things that were taken were her phone (which means she called Ron from someone else’s phone and not from her blocked phone) and her friend’s laptop.
When Ronnie and Jen had their last big blowup, they agreed she’d stay at her house in Las Vegas. That’s the house she claims got broken into. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was beside himself. Similar to Pauly, he predicted this was Jen’s way of getting back into Ronnie’s good graces.
"This whole situation with Jen is crazy," he told the camera. "There is a calamity or crisis once a week, like clockwork. She was moved out of his house. Now, a day later, she’s moving back in the house because of this ‘home invasion.’ If you ask me, it’s always an inside job."
When the guys tried to bring up to Ronnie the possibility that Jen could be lying, he refused to believe it. "She wouldn’t do that with the baby, bro. If there was no baby, then I’d be like, it’s probably a made-up [situation]," he maintained.
Lest we not forget the time Jen allegedly dragged Ronnie with her car while their baby was in the backseat.
Jen ended up seeing a preview clip of Thursday’s episode on Wednesday and took a moment to respond on Instagram, writing, "I love how everyone wants to talk shit on me in the clip I just seen on JS the night I got robbed. I did not call Ron expecting it to be broadcast on TV. I didn’t even know about it until now. Four of my neighbors got robbed that night. I [woke] up to a man in my house with my daughter there and my friend’s 14-year-old daughter."
"I don’t see how this situation has become your entertainment or a reason to call me crazy because the cast wants to talk shit about me!!" she continued. "That situation was very real and I don’t even feel like I should have to even explain this to anyone, [as if] it’s anyone’s business. So FU to all of you who want to call me a liar and talk shit over something [horrible] that happened to me that’s out of my control."
Another very important moment from Thursday’s season finale happened after the roommates got home from last week’s big bar brawl. Everyone went to bed except for Ronnie, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Angelina, who stayed up drinking and discussing stories from the bible, how we came to be and what happens to airplane poop after you flush.
While discussing the brawl, Ronnie said, "I was like Moses! Everyone just followed me." Snooki asked if he was sure that Moses was the one who did that.
Ron said yes, adding, "I’m very religious."
"He had all the animals," Angelina said.
"That was Noah," Ronnie replied.
"And the boat!" Snooki added.
"Nicole, Moses isn’t the one with the animals, he was the one that parted the sea," Angelina said, contradicting herself.
"That’s Adam and Eve!" Nicole shouted. Ronnie added, "Moses parted the red sea, yes, but I’m 90 percent sure that Jesus came first. Well, no. Adam and Eve came, and then Jesus came, then Moses and Noah’s ark, and then us."
"I love Jesus!" Nicole blurted out.
Vinny ended up waking up and hearing his roommates’ discussion, so he walked into their room.
"How are we here? Do you ever think about it?" Nicole asked. Angelina replied, "I do. Adam and Eve banged each other to make more people, and then that’s when Moses parted the red sea, and then that’s when Noah built the ark with the animals, and then that’s when Jesus came and rode on his boat."
"Jesus rode on a boat?" Nicole asked. "I think he just flew in. Yeah, he can fly. Can’t Jesus fly?"
"On Spirit Airlines?" Ronnie added.
"Where did cavemen come into this whole thing?" Angelina asked.
"Geico?" Ronnie replied.
Vinny was regretting his decision to sit in on the conversation.
Angelina then decided she needed to let the roommates know that every time she uses airplane toilets, the "air and water" come up and blow her in the face.
"Does the shit fly down and hit people in the face? And piss? Or does it just disintegrate?" she asked.
Imitating a pilot using a loudspeaker, Ronnie said, "We’re over Ohio, let the shit out!"
Later on, Deena Cortese and the roommates decided to honor her late father, who passed away from leukemia in 2016, by raising money for Be The Match — an organization dedicated to finding a cure through marrow or cord blood transplants. The roommates threw a big "Jersey Shore"-themed fundraiser at Jenk’s, their old hangout. They ended up raising over $40,000, and Deena was absolutely speechless.
So how did they manage to rake in that kind of money? They auctioned off some of the greatest novelties they had to offer: take a shot with Snooki, enter a meatball eating contest with Mike, touch Pauly’s blowout, arm wrestle Ronnie, etc. It was incredible to see so much talent put to such good use.
The best part of the whole night was probably when Pauly got on the mic and got everyone at the venue to chant, "Angelina hasn’t gotten plowed in a long time," while her fiancé, Chris, was standing close by. He took it like a champ, as did Angelina, so it looks like she’s here to stay.
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