I Don't Know If I Can Handle Timothée Chalamet as a Sexy Space Cowboi

The first photos of the upcoming sci-fi epic Dune dropped this week, and while much of the internet is debating whether this adaptation will actually be better than the last one, I’m focused on one thing: Whether or not I’m down for Timothée Chalamet to take his turn as an otherworldly space man in a galaxy far, far away. Am I ready? Is the world? Much to think about, and I’ll be doing so right here.

One could argue that I am a Timothée fan. Yes, I have seen pretty much all his movies. I did have an argument with one groupchat this week about how he is the next Leonardo DiCaprio (you know who you are). And sure, there was one time where I did end up on fan page of his for a little too long. Sue me! I enjoy his work, and his face. But there are times when, as a fan, your admiration of the person in question is tested. Now is that time for me.

I’m not familiar with the “Dune” novel, and the explanations I’ve read so far haven’t actually helped me understand the plot so much as forced me to Google “Arakkis” more than once. But it’s not that. It has nothing to do with the actual story, which I hear is good. It’s that I’m used to sad boi Timmy, poetry boi Timmy, running around Italy with Armie Hammer Timmy. This movie is not that! He’s out here rocking a funky space suit that looks like it’s destined to be someone’s Spirit Halloween costume next year. (No offense to whoever designed the costumes. That’s just how the world works.) I mean, I’m going to have to hear him earnestly talk about mining Melange, the rival House Harkonnen, and the planet Caladan. What am I, a female with hormones, supposed to do with that?

The girls and the gays were the earliest adopters of the Timothée fandom. We had our little corner of the internet where we could tweet our “I wish you had been” Lady Bird GIFS and create endless memes from *those* makeout pics. Peach emojis flowed from our fingers as we typed them away on our iPhones. But now? We have to share him with the same corner of the internet who honestly tried to tell me Jon Snow helped Arya Stark kill the Night King by yelling “GO!” to her while he was busy with some dragon. I don’t love that for me or the internet at large.

In short, I’m concerned about where my head will be at when this movie comes to screens on December 18. Will Timothée’s jawline get my ass to the theater to see this sexy sci-fi situation? Yes. Am I going to like it? TBD.


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