SHE was the woman who had it all – the perfect body, a superstar boyfriend and a jet-set lifestyle.
As the world’s highest-paid model for seven years running, Gisele Bundchen was able to name her price for a shoot.
Yet just when she was on the cover of every magazine and on the arm of heart-throb actor Leonardo DiCaprio, she wanted to kill herself.
The Brazilian beauty reveals in her new autobiography that her red-carpet smiles were for show. She had been overcome by depression.
Gisele, 38, said: “I actually had the feeling of, ‘If I just jump off my balcony, this is going to end and I never have to worry about this feeling of my world closing in’.”
In her memoirs — which are out next week — she tells how her downward spiral began with panic attacks while jetting across the globe from one fashion shoot to another.
She writes: “I felt powerless. Your world becomes smaller and smaller and you can’t breathe, which is the worst feeling I’ve ever had.
“It felt like everything in my life was going to kill me.
“First it was the aeroplanes, then elevators. Then it was tunnels and hotels and modelling studios and cars. Now it was my own apartment.
“Everything had become a cage, and I was the animal trapped inside, panting for air. I couldn’t see a way out and I couldn’t stand another day of feeling this way.
“The idea swept over me then — maybe it will be easier if I just jump. It will be all over. I can get out of this.
“When I think back on that moment, and that 23-year-old girl, I want to cry. I want to tell her that everything will be all right, that she hasn’t even begun to live her life.
“But in that moment, the only answer seemed to be to jump.”
Gisele sought medical help and was prescribed pills to reduce her anxiety.
Yet part of the problem was her unhealthy lifestyle. She said: “I had been smoking cigarettes and drinking a bottle of wine and three mocha frappuccinos every day.”
She decided to ditch her bad habits, as well as the pills in case she got addicted.
Gisele said: “I gave up everything in one day. I thought, if this stuff is in any way the cause of this pain in my life, it’s got to go.”
As part of this dramatic change she also decided to end her relationship with Titanic star Leo in 2005, saying it was because she felt “alone”.
She added: “Everyone who crosses our path is a teacher, they come into our lives to show us something about ourselves. And I think that’s what he was.”
But four years later, Gisele — who previously dated Pearl Harbor actor Josh Hartnett and surfer Kelly Slater — found lasting love with American football’s biggest star, Tom Brady.
The couple married in 2009 and have son Benjamin, eight, and daughter Vivian, five.
But having children added extra strain to her busy schedule. She said: “I had all this horrible, self-imposed guilt. I thought what a terrible mother I was for leaving my child even for like a day.”
A vocal supporter of breastfeeding, Gisele once landed in hot water for saying mothers should be banned from using formula milk during the first six months of a child’s life.
Despite her beliefs, breastfeeding left her insecure about her figure. Once nicknamed the “boobs from Brazil”, post pregnancy she worried she had uneven breasts.
Gisele revealed: “I felt very vulnerable because I can work out, I can eat healthy, but I can’t change the fact that both of my kids enjoyed the left boob more than the right.
“All I wanted was for them to be even and for people to stop commenting on it.”
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet, it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun has launched the You're Not Alone campaign. To remind anyone facing a tough time, grappling with mental illness or feeling like there's nowhere left to turn, that there is hope.
Throughout the campaign, we will tell you the stories of brave survivors, relatives left behind, heroic Good Samaritans – and share tips from mental health experts.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others. You're Not Alone.
For a list of support services available, please see the Where To Get Help box below.
In response, Gisele went under the surgeon’s knife three years ago — a decision she immediately regretted.
She writes: “When I woke up, I was like, ‘What have I done?’ I felt like I was living in a body I didn’t recognise.
"For the first year I wore baggy clothes because I felt uncomfortable.”
It is surprising that Gisele has chosen to open up about it. In 2015 she attempted to disguise herself in a burka when visiting the Parisian plastic surgery clinic.
Her outfit did not fool the waiting paparazzi — because she was with her regular chauffeur — but it did cause widespread offence.
Gisele has had the world’s attention on her since she burst on to the scene as a 17-year-old in 1998, strutting along British designer Alexander McQueen’s runway in only a pencil skirt and white paint covering her ample assets.
It was a moment that helped change the face of fashion away from the Nineties “heroin chic” of pale, thin models. McQueen dubbed her “The Body”, and soon journalists were writing about going “back to the curves”.
It was a stunning turnaround for the shy girl from South America.
Brought up in a small town by caring parents Vania and Valdir with five sisters, including her twin, Patricia, she had an idyllic childhood, often riding a horse-drawn wagon on her grandparents’ farm.
But she was also teased by boys, who called her Olive Oyl after the Popeye character because of her tall, thin frame.
Even after being spotted by a modelling agency at the age of 14, she was told: “Your nose is too big and your eyes are too small and you’re never going to be on the cover of a magazine.” She has now appeared on more magazine covers than any other model.
Worth £275million, Gisele does not need the money from her memoirs, called Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life. Instead, the proceeds will go to Brazilian clean water project Agua Limpa.
Her book motivation was to “share how I overcame certain challenges in my life in hopes that it could help others who may be going through similar experiences”.
She has had her fair share of challenging moments.
In 2002 animal rights activists Peta held up “Gisele: Fur scum” placards during a catwalk show in New York to protest against her decision to promote mink coats.
And some of her new age ideas have raised eyebrows.
Calling hospital births “violence against women and babies” and suncream “poison on my skin” upset health experts.
So perhaps the book is Gisele’s chance to change her image.
If anyone can make talking about mental health issues fashionable, it is the world’s hottest model.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
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