Jeff Sessions resigned today as Attorney General of the United States at the request of Donald Trump. The Lilliputian bigot, a former Alabama Senator better known as The Keebler Elf But Racist, will be replaced for now by chief of staff at the Justice Department Matt Whitaker, a hulking bald Iowan who will now oversee the Robert Mueller investigation. That investigation was the subject of an Aug. 2017 op-ed Whitaker wrote for CNN, in which he argued that Mueller had already gone too far.
While Whitaker clearly impressed powerful reactionaries enough that the Federalist Society’s Leonard Leo handpicked him as Sessions’s successor, he has heretofore spent most of his career losing elections and doing tweets. The man loves to do his tweets. Many of these are of the aggressively normie variety:
Even when Whitaker actually proffers a take on Twitter, his soul-deep normie status shines through.
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One consistent element in Whitaker’s Twitter history is that this big boy just freaking loves sports. He played tight end for the Iowa Hawkeyes in the early 1990s, even playing in the 1991 Rose Bowl game. Unsurprisingly, he pretty much never shuts up about Iowa.
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You get it. There are approximately one million more of these, many of which concern Matt Whitaker’s absolute favorite football thing, which is the tight end position.
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Tight ends are essentially Troops to Whitaker. He loves them that much.
His current favorite appears to be San Francisco 49ers TE George Kittle.
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But while Whitaker is unquestionably a big enthusiastic lad where his Hawkeyes are concerned, he practices self-care in how he consumes his favorite program’s games.
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Is there more? Buddy, you fucking know there is more. There are insights about what he, Matt Whitaker, would do if given a NFL team:
You will never guess what baseball team he likes!
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Here is a guy who likes his sports! But also he does not want politics in his damn sports.
He also apparently loves our sister site Lifehacker.
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This isn’t exactly sports, but here’s my favorite tweet of his. If you have ever owned Matt Whitaker in some sort of competitive PC game, we salute you.
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