Having once described the All Blacks' drawn series against the Lions as "like kissing your sister", Lord knows what dubious metaphor Steve Hansen, the New Zealand head coach, would employ to depict London Welsh's 0-0 draw against Old Streetonians on Saturday.
Scoreless matches within rugby are the rarest of beasts in the modern game. According to Opta, there has never been a 0-0 draw in the Premiership, Top 14, Pro14, Super Rugby or the two premier European competitions.
Throwback: The 0-0 draw in horrid conditions was reminiscent of the old days.Credit:Fairfax Media
Yet sightings increase as you turn the clock back. Indeed, the third international played, between Scotland (who featured the magnificently named Bulldog Irvine) and England finished pointless. There was also a spate of 0-0s in the early 1960s. The last Five Nations Championship match to draw a blank came at Lansdowne Road in 1963 between England and Ireland. A report in The Daily Telegraph noted the match featured 107 line-outs and 51 scrums, which will cause a few former forwards to exhale wistfully.
The final top-tier international to finish 0-0 came in January 1964 as Scotland held the All Blacks at Murrayfield, although 40 years later an encounter between Togo and Nigeria also finished pointless.
A host of law changes, particularly increasing the value of a try from three to four points in 1971 and then five points in 1992, have been to the scoreless draw as the introduction of rats was to the dodo.
Yet when conditions are just right, they can still take flight as was the case on Hackney Marshes on Saturday. To say it rained a lot would be an understatement.
As the London Welsh match report put it: "So many cats and dogs fell from the sky that it was a wonder Noah didn't set up a shipyard on Hackney Marshes."
Add in howling wind and all the ingredients were there.
Welsh, who were reborn in the ninth tier of English rugby after the professional arm of the club was liquidated in 2017, got over the try line on a couple of occasions, but each time, Old Streetonians, based in Shoreditch, were able to hold them up.
Then, in the last play, the referee awarded Welsh a penalty wide on the 10 metre line. Up stepped Rhodri Dawes, grandson of Lions legend John, but although his kick had the legs, it drifted right of the posts. You would think the 150-odd Welsh fans who had traversed the capital for the London & SE Division Three North West top-of-the-table clash would have regretted the trip, but according to Gwyn Williams, club chairman, most of them regard it as a badge of honour.
"I spoke to the supporters' club and none of us felt we had watched a turgid, awful afternoon of rugby," Williams said. "We all actually enjoyed it. It was a classic in its own right. It is back to the old school when scores were very low. This was like a blast from the past."
At Gallagher Premiership level, scoring records seem to be falling every week. Already this season there have been 226 tries and 1,905 points after six rounds. No doubt this represents progress for the majority of people, but this is a refreshing reminder that another side to rugby exists and it is still a game for all shapes and scorelines.
The Telegraph, London
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