Liam Hughes thought about suicide after an injury ruled him out of a dream game against Manchester United at Old Trafford, here he opens up about his recovery

Playing  for   League   Two   Cambridge United, he was determined to put himself about.


In the 19th minute, the midfielder went into a crunching tackle with Phil Jones, coming off second best. While he hobbled on for almost an hour in the 0-0 draw, Hughes later discovered he had injured ankle ligaments.

That ruled him out of a dream fourth-round replay at Old Trafford and Hughes, 26, admitted: “I was absolutely heartbroken to miss that match.  That was kind of the beginning of the end for me.”

Hughes does not use that phrase lightly.

He felt like it was “the end” — and not just of his career. Thankfully, he has now come through the other side.

But he pinpoints that moment in January 2015 as when his life began to spiral out of control.

Today Hughes IS playing against a United in Manchester — FC United for Darlington in a National League North match.

But it has been a long journey. Sitting at home in Hull he said:   “I was drinking heavily, doing drugs. I was drink-driving to work.

“I was just in a really bad place. I was contemplating taking my own life. I don’t know what triggered that exactly.

“But I was struggling with the injury, life at home wasn’t great and I’d lost a close friend to suicide.

“I just got myself in a little bit of a rut. I was on self-destruct. I was in a mindset where I really didn’t care. It was the darkest time.

“But it got to the point where I knew I needed to do something because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I was out of control.”

Shortly after his return from injury, Hughes confided in Cambridge physio Greg Reid and then spoke to the club’s doctor. He was prescribed medication for anxiety and depression but was still drinking and taking cocaine — leading to what he calls his ‘rude awakening.’

Hughes recalled: “Three months after I had spoken to the doctor and started my medication, I took an overdose. My ex-partner came home and found me.

“I was taken to hospital and had my stomach pumped. It was awful. Then I got back on my medication, spoke to a doctor and saw a psychologist.

“But I convinced myself it wasn’t working and three months later I tried to take my life again — another overdose.

“My friend happened to come round after work to drop some stuff off. He knocked on the door, looked through the window and saw me on the sofa.

“If he hadn’t arrived, I don’t think I would have woken up.

“When you look back, it’s quite overwhelming. There’s a possibility that I could not be here.

“I think it was my last act of desperation to get noticed and to say, ‘Look, I am struggling here’. I was a bit selfish because I didn’t want to be here. But in the same breath, I did want to be here — just not as me.”

By this point, Hughes knew his life was at the crossroads.

His drug habit had got him into debt, his drinking led to him crashing his car into his garage and losing his licence, while his career was hanging by a thread because he was not fit.

It was then that Hughes decided to get himself back on track once and for all  by speaking properly about his problems. He said: “I thought: ‘I’m going to give it a good go, speak about everything openly and honestly.’ I went to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was waking up in the morning and drinking.

“I went to Narcotics Anonymous because I was doing drugs during the day. Being open and honest about everything that was going on has got me to where I am now.”

That seems like a good place after spending two hours with Hughes and his family,

He takes 100 milligrams of Sertraline daily to help his struggle with panic attacks and depression.

But, crucially, he has been clean from recreational drugs since December and his drinking is under control.

For that, he is grateful to his girlfriend Jenny, 34.

He lives with her and her two children Polly, five, and Nellie, three. He has also just won visiting rights to see his own three kids — Grace-Mai, five, Bella-Rae, three, and one-year-old Hope-Willow, who live with their mum in Southampton.

More good news is that he has started an enriching part-time job as a sports coordinator and coach with a local community trust.

Hughes said: “Having a supportive partner like Jenny is so beneficial and uplifting for my mental health. I say it to her and she thinks I’m daft but Jenny and my children have saved my life.”

On the pitch, things are also on the up for Hughes. After leaving Cambridge in February 2016, he was at Inverness, Barrow and Guiseley, before moving to Darlington in the summer.

He said: “I finally feel things are falling into place and I’m enjoying my football again. I still have my struggles, but I’m addressing these underlying issues. What’s going on off the pitch seems to be paying dividends on the pitch.

“I’ve achieved quite a lot — won at Wembley twice with Cambridge, played against Manchester United, played at Celtic with Inverness.

“But I’m hungry for more now. I want to get back up that ladder and play in the Football League again. I’m in the right frame of mind to do it.

“It’s something I’m passionate to do because of the rewards it would bring for me, Jenny and the children.”

More than anything, however, Hughes hopes his story will encourage others with mental health issues to seek help.

He said: “I want to inspire people to speak about it openly and honestly. When you don’t address the things that are affecting you, everything boils into one, it becomes one big dark place and you find you can’t get out of it.

“You feel alone when in retrospect you aren’t. You can talk to friends, family, anyone — it’s just that initial conversation where you say: ‘I’m feeling down’.

“It’s not a weakness, it’s an illness. It’s OK to not be OK. You have to come through dark times and talk about it and deal with it properly to get to where you want to be.

“It’s difficult, but so is being in a dark place, so is taking your own life or trying to take your own life.

“The best thing to do is address it and get it out there in the open. The more people who talk about it, the better it is going to be for everyone.”

 

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