Are you a winger looking to line up those Grinch-perfect crosses? Then buy a Leicester City tape measure! Want to go Christmas quackers? Then a Huddersfield Town "rubber duck family" will surely float your boat.
We've already brought you a Gareth Southgate waistcoat for his Christmas Tree Lions.
But it's an even weirder winter wonderland in club football, judging by the array of dismay many supporters will face when they pop into their team shop or browse online.
But top marks for originality go to Arsenal.
New boss Unai Emery's fresh thinking has clearly spread to off the pitch as the Gunners have spurned traditional jumpers and scarves in favour of… a "Christmas tropical shirt".
And go from from the beach to niche by popping across London to Arsenal's big rivals neighbours Chelsea – with their Gary Cahill Pop Vinyl Figure.
It seems likely to be the former England defender's last season at Stamford Bridge.
So perhaps fans should snap up the mini-model to say their vinyl goodbyes.
Meanwhile, Burnley might leave supporters wondering if they have had one too many Clarets – when they hear one of the club's SINGING pens.
And Liverpool followers can shop till they Klopp – by picking up a £3 mask of their manager.
CHRISTMAS FOOTBALLERS XI
Pepe Reindeeer
A Merry Laporte
Fabian Elf
Yule Log-ba
Jack Frost Wilshere
Paul Mince Pie
Tiny Tim Cahill
Scott McHogmanay
Fernandinho-ho
Frankincense Fabregas
Stocking Filler Coutinho
Lowly Newcastle have either kept it simple or reflected the grim mood around St James' Park – with a bleak-looking Christmas pullover in black, white and grey.
The top looks so eerie that perhaps it's best worn only by ghoul-keepers.
But that's nothing compared to the Hammer horror at London Stadium.
Yes, West Ham ARE selling hammers.
And with just a fortnight until Christmas, Hammers nuts must bolt to buy.
All in all, if this really is the best our Prem clubs can offer, then it's a serious Claus for concern.
But at least this year you can relax and let Manchester United's singing striker Romelu Lukaku do the Christmas wrapping…
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