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Melodramatic break-ups, proclamations of love within three seconds of meeting and plenty of exposed skin – these encapsulate most successful reality dating shows to date. Netflix’s latest sojourn into the dating show realm, The Ultimatum: Queer Love, is no exception – it’s over-the-top schlock that makes a mockery of love, ultimately destroying five out of six relationships that existed going in.
But while other trailblazer shows within the genre – such as The Bachelor and Love Island – lose viewers due to this predictability and sameness, many Queer Love viewers of are aglow with praise, boosting it to the 10 most-streamed TV shows in 19 countries on Netflix since the release of its final two episodes on June 7.
Cast members of The Ultimatum: Queer Love are all queer women or non-binary, making it one of few in the genre to be exclusively queer.Credit: Netflix
Queer Love is the second instalment of the franchise, following the success of last year’s The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. Its premise is simple while promising maximum chaos – six couples, which each consist of one person who wants to get married and another who is unsure, temporarily split ways to embark on a three-week trial marriage with one of the other participants. They then regroup with their initial partner for another three-week trial marriage before deciding to get engaged, try things out with their “trial spouse” or leave single.
Its structure allows space for that which all dating shows crave – salacious gossip, betrayal and waterfalls of tears – but that’s nothing new. So, how is this dating show winning reality TV fans’ hearts right as many seemed to be losing faith in the genre?
The short answer? Its cast.
All six couples on Queer Love, which was developed by the same creative team behind Love Is Blind and Married at First Sight, are queer women or non-binary. Though it technically isn’t the first queer-inclusive dating show (MTV’s Are You The One included an entirely pansexual cast in 2019 and season 7 of The Bachelorette featured openly bisexual Brooke Blurton), it’s arguably one of the first to highlight marriage and commitment among its diverse participants rather than a competition for superficial love.
While Queer Love follows couples already invested in long-term relationships as they determine what they need from a partner, as well as what role they think they play in the pairing, shows like Married At First Sight test new relationships designed solely for entertainment value. Contestants are thrown into blind marriages and challenged to make it work, encouraging plenty of drama but little self-growth.
Then there’s The Bachelor or Love Island, which are examples of performative competition and sexual prowess. In these shows, contestants are pitted against one another to win someone’s affection, eyeing their love interest as prey or a trophy to be won and flexing every muscle to do so.
Queer Love is also the first in which there are no men in sight, arguably a welcome change for the genre, whose traditional heterosexual approach to relationships has gone relatively stale. While the first season was hosted by Vanessa and Nick Lachey, this season was helmed by JoAnna Garcia Swisher (Freaks and Geeks), ensuring no men (other than the participant’s family members) were caught on camera.
The fact that it was released by Netflix also sets it apart from previous queer-inclusive shows, including MTV’s Ex On the Beach or ITV’s Love Island UK which can be watched on free-to-air networks. Queer Love enjoyed the bigger budget and established audience that come with mammoth streaming platforms like Netflix.
The show triggered a whirlwind of commentary on social media – its hashtag on TikTok has 19.6 million views and counting – thanks to the way it depicts the reality of some queer relationships.
For example, one of the couples, Mal and Yoli, speaks of the financial difficulty around having children through IVF. Another, Sam and Aussie, discuss their changing roles within the relationship – one being the breadwinner, the other a homemaker. And Lexi and Rae explore the blurred lines around what constitutes sex in queer relationships.
This caters to the mess and drama reality fans devour while also allowing queer women and non-binary people to see parts of themselves reflected on-screen and expanding heterosexual viewers’ understanding of queer romance.
The success of a number of dating and marriage reality shows is based on how many couples remain post-production, such as Tim Robards and Anna Heinrich from season 1 of The Bachelor or Lauren Speed and Cameron Hamilton from season 1 of Love Is Blind. But Queer Love doesn’t shy away from an unhappy ending. Following the reunion episode, every couple (bar one) has split up. It technically fails to solidify any relationship, leaving fans unable to live vicariously through the happiness of a couple that beat the odds.
Instead of languishing in this failure, the participants are more concerned with self-discovery than leaving with a ring on their finger. The only lifelong promise they make is to choose themselves first every day, a message that would seem counterintuitive to so many other marriage reality shows, such as Married At First Sight, but which is arguably the healthiest lesson to draw from weeks of tumultuous affairs.
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