Aside from all of the indisputably lit things about the holiday season, you may find yourself in a confusing predicament — to text or not to text your ex. First off, don’t worry — it’s totally normal to find your mind wandering to past lovers during the holiday season, especially if you have fond memories of them associated with this time of year. So, if you’ve been ruminating on whether spreading the holiday cheer in your ex’s direction is actually a good idea, you are certainly not alone. Figuring out should you text your ex happy holidays, or if it’s better to stay silent can depend on a few factors. I spoke with NYC relationship expert Susan Winter to find out when it is and isn’t OK to slide into your ex’s inbox with an "innocent" holiday greeting.
It turns out, shooting your old bae a message is totally fine as long as you’ve both closed the chapter on any romantic feels. "Texting an ex at the holidays is OK if you’re both in a good place after the breakup," Winter tells Elite Daily. "If neither of you has romantic feelings for the other, nothing will get stirred up beyond warm memories."
However, I’m sure we can all remember a situation where we would’ve used just about any day (holiday or otherwise) as an excuse to make contact with an ex that we still had feelings for. According to Winter, if you’re reaching out with the hope that it could lead to more, it’s important to tread carefully.
"If you’re still yearning for your ex, reaching out can be dicey," says Winter. "True — it’s an excuse to connect. But you may end up with a perfunctory, ‘Best wishes to you as well’ response. That blow-off could send you into a downward spiral. So think carefully as to ‘why’ you’re wanting to send that holiday text."
There’s nothing wrong with a genuine holiday check-in, but it’s also a good idea to consider what’s going on with your ex emotionally. If you know (or suspect) they’re still emotionally invested in you and you’ve moved on, Winter notes that any contact could be misconstrued as you showing interest. On the other hand, Winter does agree that the holidays aren’t a bad time to try to rekindle an old romance, but before initiating contact, it’s important to fully analyze the situation and possible outcomes.
"Ask yourself if you’re ready for what you’re initiating," recommends Winter. "Review the history of your relationship. Consider if this person is one who’s worthy of another chapter in your life. Is this how you want to begin a new year? Are you dragging the broken remnants of your past into the fresh future, or are you reconfiguring what was good but [didn’t work out] the first time around?"
Ultimately, once you’ve taken some time to understand your deeper motives for reaching out, the ball’s in your court to play however you’d like. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give a past romance another shot, but being honest with yourself just might bring out more clarity on the situation. If you know you’re still emotionally hung-up on them and they’re just not a good fit for you, this might be a good opportunity to decide you’re done with them for good. Either way, if they don’t end up responding how you would’ve liked, just remember there are so many wonderful and unique fish in the sea.
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