DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife has had several one-night stands during our marriage, but her latest sexual indiscretion has really rocked me.
I have discovered she has started taking contraceptive pills — yet I’ve had a vasectomy.
I’m 38 and my wife is 35. We’ve been together for nine years and have a son, who is six.
Things were difficult when we first married. We were arguing a lot after she admitted kissing random men and having one-night stands on evenings out.
She had an awful childhood without any affection and I understood she was constantly searching for love because of her upbringing.
She begged forgiveness and I decided to give us another go because the idea of losing her was too much to handle.
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That was four years ago and I really thought we had become closer and stronger since that awful time.
But a part of me worried she would be tempted once again and in the last few months, I started to feel things were amiss.
She started acting distant and unaffectionate.
While I had a feeling she was up to her old tricks, I didn’t want to face up to the possibility.
I could forgive a meaningless fling but this is more than that — I discovered an empty blister pack of the contraceptive pill in the bin and a half-used pack in a toiletry bag.
Knowing she is getting serious with someone else tears me apart.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry. You have clearly tried hard to keep the show on the road for a long time, but you must now recognise that the wheels have fallen off.
While many relationships can over-come affairs, in order to survive and thrive there has to be mutual respect.
You deserve so much better than this. A successful marriage is built on mutual trust.
Take one day at a time for now and lean on friends and family.
You need to tell your wife what you have discovered and ask her why she has strayed again.
If you are willing to try again, make it clear that this will be the last time and mean it, otherwise you face a future of unhappiness.
Please talk to someone sympathetic to work out what is the best route for you as a couple. You can get the right kind of help from Relate (relate.org.uk).
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