DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been messaging other women and sending them money.
His obsession with the dating apps has turned our world upside down and began after he was diagnosed with cancer.
I never had any doubts trusting him before but after his diagnosis he changed dramatically.
I’m 59 and he’s 63. He has been devoted to me since we married 30 years ago.
Thankfully, he’s had all his treatment and while he’s still on medication, he’s doing well health-wise.
The first time I became aware something was amiss was when I came across a direct debit set up for a dating agency.
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His excuse? He was bored and wanted to see what it was all about.
From that moment on, he’s been lying to me. We had the odd disagreement before but now we are at loggerheads all the time.
He messages women on social media sites – I managed to check regularly what he was doing. They are not dirty messages but he tells them he loves them.
These women have played him along and every single one of them has asked for money.
Like the old fool he is — my husband sent it to them. I was devastated to see he’s already sent a couple of thousand pounds.
You can only imagine the arguments it has caused.
He tells me he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me, but I’m at the end of my tether with all the denials, lies and arguments.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Discovering that your husband’s been visiting online dating sites is, for many wives, a form of adultery.
Some men visit online dating sites for the excitement without any intention of having a physical or emotional affair.
Your husband may have turned to other women as a distraction and a way of coping with his diagnosis, but the fact he can’t stop turning to these women suggests he may have become addicted.
It’s understandable you feel let down and angry by his dishonesty but if you love him and want to save the marriage, tell him that.
Discuss his romantic needs and desires as well as your own.
But he’s going to need help to overcome this addiction.
Couples counselling can help you learn how to communicate your needs more effectively, which may prevent future betrayals and Relate (relate.org.uk) can help.
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