My father left me when I was a child and I still can't come to terms with it

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I was nine years old, my dad abandoned our family. Ten years later, I’m still struggling to come to terms with it.

I’m a 19-year-old man. My mum is 45 and my dad would be 49.

I thought we had a happy family, and I adored him.

Then one day it was as if the rug was pulled from underneath me, and he left without a word.

Mum was heartbroken, and to make matters worse, he refused to pay a penny to support us.

At first, I didn’t understand that he wasn’t coming back, but as the years went by the reality settled in.

I’ve always wondered why he did what he did, and what was so wrong with me he didn’t want me in his life.

I’ve considered tracking him down, but the idea of facing him now seems too painful. How can I ever find any closure?

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DEIDRE SAYS: Growing up without your father must have been painful and confusing. Nothing will change how he let you down.

You can, however, change your understanding of your experience if you choose to.

But please know you have done nothing wrong. Your father chose to walk away because of the issues he carries.

Remember that he is a human being who has weaknesses and flaws, fears and self-centredness.

It would be best if you talk it all through with a counsellor, someone sympathetic, outside the situation.

Read my support pack How Counselling Can Help.

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