My boyfriend collects sex toys like other guys collect trainers or stamps.
Two years ago, he deliberately bought a house with a dug-out basement that he’s converted into his “love room”.
It’s like a kinky paradise down there. I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland.
From (wipe clean) leather sofas and a sex swing to love chairs and chains attached to the walls, there’s always something new to surprise me.
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Up until recently our sex life was lively but contained. We’ve always indulged in a variety of sexual positions and a little slap and tickle, but now he says he wants – and needs – much more.
To this end he’s purchased some extremely scary looking toys from a specialist website.
I live about two hours away. I generally stay over half a dozen times a month. But I went round to see him the other day and he blew my mind. Some of the stuff now on display is very extreme.
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He sat me down and confessed that he needs to push back the boundaries and experience more hardcore action.
He says he yearns to feel real emotions and sensations.
He was very quick not to disrespect me or what we’ve done in the past but emphasised that he must take things up a gear. The problem is that I don’t think I’m the person to go on this journey with him.
I love him to bits but realise that I don’t know him as well as I thought. I don’t want to hurt him or be hurt myself. Yes of course I like to orgasm and scream my head off, but I need to stay in control. I don’t want to feel vulnerable or step out of my comfort zone.
Importantly, I don’t want to share him either. The thought of him meeting someone new or getting up to tricks behind my back is too upsetting for words. How do I keep him keen and stop him from straying when I’m not around?
JANE SAYS: I get the feeling that you’re attempting to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted.
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From what you say, your boyfriend’s basement is now an all-singing, all-dancing Aladdin’s cave of sex. He’s got stuff down there that would make Casanova blush.
I have no way of knowing if he’s already cheated on you by bringing other lovers into his lair, but he sounds like a man who is champing at the bit to get going. All you can do from here onwards is be completely honest about your tastes and your limits.
Sadly, if his sexual appetite is taking off into a direction that you’re not comfortable with, then you need to be clear about what you’re prepared to do and put up with.
I have to question whether he was offering you a way out – an elegant exit – with his most recent chat?
Has the mileage between you become another issue? Think about it. Remember that we all grow up and our tastes change over the years.
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