DEAR DEIDRE: I’M convinced every time I go away to play rugby at the weekend, my girlfriend jumps back into bed with her ex.
I’ve found messages to prove it but haven’t told her I know yet. I just can’t believe she thought she’d be able to get away with it.
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She’s 29, I’m 27 and we’ve been together for two years.
She treats me like a king and is my biggest supporter. The sex is amazing — she’s quite confident, so we’re regularly trying new things.
She moved in last August and it’s been going pretty well.
The only issue has been my schedule — I play rugby on Saturdays and Sundays so I’m often out of the house all weekend.
My girlfriend never really seemed to mind. She would always claim she had “plans with the girls” or was going to visit her sister.
Stupidly, I believed her. But last month, I came home to an empty flat. I decided to put a wash on. My girlfriend hates it if I leave my dirty rugby gear in my bag for days. In the wash basket was a set of her sexiest underwear. I thought it odd — why would she have needed them while I was away?
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When she was asleep that night, I went through her phone. I know it’s wrong to look at someone else’s messages, but I knew something wasn’t right. There, on Snapchat, was a message from her ex.
It read: “Yesterday was fun. I’m quite enjoying our weekends together.”
I’ve felt sick ever since. It seems that whenever my back is turned, she is with him. I know it’s selfish of me to expect her to do her own thing every weekend, so did I deserve this?
DEIDRE SAYS: You cannot just go on without telling her you know something is wrong.
Rather than admit to reading her messages, which opens up a whole different issue, explain you feel there has been a shift in your relationship.
Ask her if she still wants to be together and what changes she would want to make you stronger.
Explain trust has become an issue and that she will have to work hard to convince you she wants to be with you.
If she has an issue with you playing rugby all weekend, she must tell you. You can rebuild your relationship but you both have to want to work at it.
Ask yourself if you are ready to do that if it means, for example, hanging up your rugby boots for at least one day at the weekend. My support pack Cheating: Can You Get Over It? will help.
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