Dear Coleen
My husband and I have been together for eight years and I’m no longer in love with him.
It’s been really hard to admit that to myself, as he’s a good guy and a great husband and father (we have a four-year-old son).
In the past I have told him that I’m unhappy, but although he made a huge effort to sort out any issues, it hasn’t changed the way I feel about him.
I think of him as a friend and my son’s father, but there’s no passion and I don’t feel sexually attracted to him any more.
The rest of my life is fine – our son started school in September, so I have more time for myself and I’ve gone back to work.
I also have good friends and a nice social life. But when I’m at home, I just feel sad and unfulfilled and I can’t see that feeling ever leaving.
I don’t want to hurt him or upset my son, so I just carry on, even though I’m miserable. I have confided in my mum and a few close friends, most of whom say I should try to save my marriage, which just confuses me.
If he was an awful person or cheated on me, it would be a lot easier to call time on the marriage, but he hasn’t.
What do you think?
Coleen says
Your feelings have changed and that doesn’t make you a bad person. But, of course, it’s sad and difficult when a close relationship ends, even if you know you’re doing the right thing.
Sometimes it can be useful to create a bit of space between you in order to get some perspective.
If one of you can move out for a time, it’ll give you the opportunity to see what a permanent separation would feel like.
It’s good you’ve been able to confide in close friends and your mum, but the decision to end your marriage has to be yours, so try not to be swayed by them. They don’t have to live with your husband or wake up every morning feeling unhappy.
Before you throw in the towel, you could try relationship therapy to work through how you each feel, and it could help you manage a separation more easily. But if it really is the end of the line for you, then it’s better to do something about it now than let things carry on, so your resentment grows or you end up having an affair.
The bottom line is, you can’t commit to someone simply to avoid hurting their feelings or to please other people.
Good luck.
Read More
Dear Coleen
-
My son’s girlfriend is as old as me
-
I told mum my dad cheated with a barmaid
-
My boyfriend and my lover dumped me
-
My husband told friends I was 50
Source: Read Full Article