DEAR DEIDRE: I KNEW my wife was cheating so I hired a private investigator to spy on her. Seeing the proof still shocked me – but not as much as discovering she was telling her lover he was the father of our child.
This all began when I found messages on her tablet which showed she’d been talking to another guy.
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We’ve been married for five years and have a two-year-old daughter. I’m 35 and she’s 37.
Things hadn’t been good lately. We’d been arguing a lot, she was distant and hadn’t been in the mood for sex.
So I went looking for evidence that she was straying.
When I discovered the messages, I confronted her. But she denied anything was going on with this guy.
I knew she was lying as some of the messages I saw were sexually explicit.
So, furious at her dishonesty, I hired an investigator to catch her in the act.
He came back with photo and video evidence that she was having sex with this guy — in hotels, in his car, even in an alleyway at the back of a pub.
But there was far worse. He showed me receipts from a company that manufactures fake DNA tests.
My wife was trying to convince this guy that he is my daughter’s father, not me.
I am disgusted at her behaviour and I want revenge.
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I’m collecting all the evidence and I’m going to enjoy exposing her for the vile individual she is. All the love I felt for her has turned to hate.
Now I can’t wait to divorce her on the grounds of adultery and move on with my life.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife has betrayed you and lied about it. Your reaction, while extreme, is understandable.
But all this anger and hatred is very unhealthy for you.
If you didn’t love your wife deeply, you wouldn’t be feeling so hurt or so destructive.
I really think you need some counselling to work through your feelings. Please check out Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1975, tavistockrelationships.org), who provide counselling to couples or individuals.
And if you have a good friend or relative you can talk to, lean on them.
Please also think about your daughter, who is so young and innocent. She needs both of her parents, and any animosity between you will affect her, not just now but for the rest of her life.
My support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more. And my pack about Cheating may also help you work through your emotions.
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