(Note: Some language in the above video may be NSFW.)
Gigi Gorgeous is thinking about starting a family — but the process has been an emotional one.
The popular beauty vlogger, 26, opened up on her YouTube channel recently about how she and fiancée Nats Getty want to add a baby to their family in the near future, and chronicled the related struggles she has faced as a transgender woman.
“It’s finally time I talk about this and face my fears and just open up,” she says near the beginning of the video, explaining that it has been a “touchy subject” for her and something she has been wanting to share with her viewers for a while.
“I feel like it’s a natural progression for two people in love to talk about having children and taking that next step in creating a family,” Gigi adds. “I’ve always wanted to get married. I’ve always wanted to have kids and have a family, but I never actually thought that it would happen for me and now that I’m here, it’s kind of like … f—.”
“We always talk about having kids and we’ve even taken some steps to have them, and I am too scared to follow through,” she admits.
“This is something I don’t like talking about for many reasons, but the main one being I feel really, really, really embarrassed.”
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Noting her sympathy for women who were born with female reproductive organs and have issues conceiving or keeping a pregnancy, the beauty guru continues, “For me, being trans, it’s not even a possibility to get pregnant. I wasn’t born with a uterus or a vagina or any of those working parts that gives you a babushka.”
“I can’t give birth to my own child, we know that,” Gigi says, admitting she feels “inferior” to women who can. “But it’s still embarrassing to me, and that’s just how I feel. It’s a sensitive subject. I feel as much if not more so than a genetic woman, and that’s not comparing — that’s how I felt even before I came out as transgender.”
“It’s such an unfair thing to me … some days I just get so frustrated and just so angry that I can’t just go through that,” she continues. “Childbirth and being pregnant is something that I’ve always wanted. I feel like you feel the most feminine, you look the most feminine. Your baby is yours, it has your DNA. … It’s everything that I want and it’s everything that I want for my relationship with Nats.”
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Gigi reveals that she has not undergone sex reassignment surgery as of yet and that she and Getty, 25, “had no luck whatsoever” trying on their own. Gigi explains that she had planned to get her sperm frozen but hadn’t gotten around to it in part because it made her “feel like less of a woman.”
She and Nats went to see a specialist, which Gigi calls “one of the most embarrassing situations” she has ever been in after seeing all the male-female couples in the waiting room and having to explain to the doctor that she didn’t have eggs to freeze, but sperm.
“[The doctor] said the only thing that will affect sperm is if a man is very old or it’s just in his genetics or if he’s been taking hormones,” she says. “When she said that, I gagged because I’ve been on hormones now for probably four years. … So I was just freaking out.”
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Once the appointment time came around, Gigi made the decision not to go because she didn’t feel ready. The couple have since not made another appointment — yet.
“I’m hoping that talking about it and getting it off my chest and sharing it with you guys will give me the strength to go back and see where I’m at in my transition to go through with this and to freeze [sperm],” she says. “I’m gonna end up doing it because I feel like I face everything in my life that scares me.”
She ends the video by thanking her viewers for listening and being there for her, and discussing her options and uncertainty for the future. “I know because I can’t give birth … I know that means that I still can have a family. I know adoption is an option.”
Gigi explains, “I’m not oblivious to that and I’m not opposed to that but the way I’ve always seen it, having a child and family and kids, multiple kids, with my DNA … that’s how I’ve always pictured it, but maybe that’s not my reality.”
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