People who’ve known me for years would argue that the quality of my jokes has never been great. I’ve always enjoyed a good pun or a cheesy laugh (while my friends camembert the pun-ishment).
Yet, even for someone who’s always had a low quality threshold when it comes to laughs, I must admit I noticed a change in my sense of humour on becoming a dad. I remember being in the labour ward, where my son was born, finding myself wrestling with the sudden desire to tell this joke:
ME: What is the most common type of owl in Britain?
MY OTHER HALF: I don’t know.
ME: ‘The Teet.’
MY OTHER HALF: What?
ME: ‘The Teet Owl’. The Tea towel. Get it?”
There followed a long silence, followed by a request for gas and air. It seems even an epidural can’t block out the pain of bad Dad Joke. From that point onwards I’ve found that at any given opportunity I’ve been telling truly terrible jokes.
For this I’m very sorry.
Funny, but not ‘funny
Ducks quack, dogs bark and dads tell Dad Jokes, it’s as simple as that. These so-called ‘jokes’ are often so bad that Christmas Cracker manufacturers turn their noses up at them – yet dads don’t seem to care.
Nobody knows what causes dads to tell such terrible gags.
Maybe it’s something in the water?
Perhaps it’s the stress of all those sleepless nights?
It could be fatherhood mutates the ‘sense of humour’ gene!
Whatever the truths of the matter, this is certain: there’s only one sign more reliable than a Jeremy Kyle Show DNA Test for proving a man is really a father: Does he tell DAD JOKES??
No single source
Experts are yet to find where exactly fathers are finding their seemingly never ending supply of Dad Jokes. Some suggest that terrible gags are passed around via a secret newsletter, while others put forward the idea dads are actually making jokes up themselves.
A few have suggested that all Dad Jokes were originally written by Shane Richie, in the 90’s – when he had so much free time on his hands from not changing his kids’ nappies. As yet, no one source for Dad Jokes has (as yet) been identified.
The worst of the worst
What follows is a selection of some of the most terrible dad jokes doing the rounds today. If yours didn’t make the list, apologies – they just weren’t good (or bad) enough.
WARNING: You might find some of the following jokes upsettingly awful.
A classic from @threetimedaddy
So bad it’s good from @DaddingAround
Deadly humour from @goodbyejumbo
Genius from @Fawcett_Matt
A great angle from @Farcicalfather
Laugh or cry with @dadjokes007
Dad-quality punning from @Mordhyrgm
Quacking up with @MrJakeAbel
Another shocker from @Fawcett_Matt
And finally a pun-tastic gag from @dannygokey
No known cure
Sadly, as yet, no cure has been found for the epidemic of dad jokes that’s currently sweeping our nation. Families of dads who tell terrible jokes are reminded not to laugh, it only encourages them. Experts say the best plan of action, when told a dad joke, is to pretend you didn’t hear it.
Sorry, what did you say?
Chris McGuire is stay at home dad to his 2-year-old son, he blogs as The Out Of Depth Dad.
For more from Chris visit Outofdepthdad.wordpress.com, Twitter.com/Outofdepth_dad or Instagram.com/Outofdepthdad
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