Nothing says toxic masculinity like a grown man flying into a fit of rage over his 4-year-old son wearing nail polish — not to mention the blatant homophobia, transphobia, and verbal abuse also at play in the scenario this mom explained on Reddit’s “Parenting” forum.
The woman writes that she was painting her toenails while their son was on his iPad in the same room. She explains that the little boy came to check out what she was doing and wanted paint on his finger nails as well, so she obliged. “He wanted me to continue with his toes but I kind of already knew what was gonna happen with his dad’s reactions so I told my son no, just his fingers,” she wrote. We don’t know about you, but our eyes are narrowed in suspicion.
The woman continues, “When his dad saw it, he completely blew up, cursed me out. He said why am I putting these ideas in him, that he’s too little, that it’s not ok. He’s going to grow up thinking it’s okay and that kind of thinking leads people into getting bullied and then committing suicide. I told him it’s just paint, it comes off, and that he’s overreacting.”
Soooo much homophobia and transphobia to unpack here. Rather than worrying about the “ideas” his son is supposedly being exposed to, the dad needs to do his own inner work to determine why he feels something as innocent as boys wearing fingernail polish leads to bullying… Likely from people similar to himself.
The mom explains that she removed her son’s nail polish and decided to take him to her mom’s house because she was upset at her partner for his nasty behavior toward her in front of their young child. She then brushes aside her own story, writing, “ANYWAY, I just wanted to see other parents’ opinions on this topic. I personally work at a school district and see A LOT of boys (who aren’t gay or anything like that) who have nail polish and I really don’t think anything of it.” Reddit, however, is not letting her casually blow off her partner’s reaction.
One user commented, “Imagine being 4 1/2 and watching your father treat your mom like that because you have paint on your nails. He must feel like he is to blame, and so confused about what he did wrong. This is how kids learn to feel shame.”
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Another expressed similar concerns, writing, “This is a red flag to me. My son loves nail polish and he’s 8. I am happy with whatever he likes as long as it’s not hurting others. As a dad your husband needs to chill out. I’m sorry you have to go through that kind of behavior.”
Pointing out other major concerns, one Redditor wrote, “Your husband is at minimum emotionally abusive, obviously controlling… and what if your kiddo DID end up coming out as gay, or ANYthing… your husband will treat him like sh*t, disown him, and blame it on you.”
Another user highlighted the fact that the nail polish was no big deal to their son until his dad made it one: “It’s just paint. Your son saw Mommy doing something fun and wanted to imitate the fun thing and bond with Mommy. Now instead of remembering the fun he had with you, he’ll probably remember Daddy getting mad and yelling.”
“’Nail polish isn’t for girls. Nail polish is for nails.’ This has always been my son’s reply to anyone who gave him crap about it,” one Redditor shared. “Nothing else ever even needs to be said after that. Nail polish is a non-issue. Your husband is the problem here.”
In response, another user replied, “Exactly this. Your husband can’t control or manipulate your son into being the person he wants him to be and shouting about things like this in front of him is only going to teach him to hide who he is from his father to avoid confrontation and protect his mother from verbal abuse in the future.”
They continued, “You should never discourage a behaviour as harmless as painting his nails, and you should stand up to your husband and tell him to stop letting his fragile masculinity affect the way he treats his son.”
Another day, another cis-het man called out on Reddit for his unacceptable toutings and behavior. We hope for the little kid’s sake that his dad will put in the work necessary to overcome his biases and phobias, but if not, this Reddit mom needs to take him out with the trash.
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
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