Babies cry — it’s just a fact. It’s one of the three main things they’re good at from birth (being cute is obviously number one). So as a new parent, if you need a break from trying to calm your little one, I fully support that! Set your screaming cutie in their crib and take a 5-minute breather in the backyard. Or put them in a bouncy seat and snag a quick shower. It’s all good — we’ve all done it. But if you are intentionally letting your baby cry so you can play video games like this new dad on Reddit? Well … that is not the same thing at all.
An exhausted new mom of a 2-week, 5-day-old baby (who is still counting the days, bless her heart), posted in the Parenting subreddit about the jaw-dropping things her husband is doing — or more accurately, not doing — and it will make your blood boil. Let’s dive in.
“Ever since the baby was born my husband has helped very little,” she starts, which is bad enough on its own. “But when we have visitors or we are around our closest friends he makes comments like he’s the one who’s been up.” Huh?! So not only does he not help, but also, he brags about how much he’s helping? Sir! At least have the decency to praise your awesome wife for how much she’s doing if you aren’t going to help at all.
Predictably, it gets worse from there.
“I have been running on very small times of sleep my body never healed properly from birth as I still get back pains and just my body feeling like it wants to collapse,” she wrote, during which I can only assume she didn’t even pause to take a breath. She is ranting and exhausted, and we are sending her all the love for it. Two weeks postpartum is not enough time to heal — or feel any kind of normal — yet her husband had to go back to work already.
“He requested two weeks off … and by the end of [those two weeks] I wanted him to go back to work,” she continued. “[W]e started to continuously argue after he started to go back to playing video games.”
So, he goes back to work and goes back to video games? After just two weeks? The mom clarifies that the video games themselves are not a problem — “I know it’s his stress reliever,” she said — but it’s the fact that he ignores their newborn daughter while he plays.
“What I don’t like is when he plays all day” (excuse us while we interrupt — plays all day?!) “and doesn’t focus on the baby when it’s necessary,” she wrote. “His excuse is she needs to cry to makes her lungs strong.”
I’m sorry, but no. No, no, no, no. If she’s crying, her lungs are just fine! Put down your damn video games and soothe your baby! Babies sleep so much during their first few weeks, so you’ll likely still have plenty of chances to play video games (or, you know, maybe throw a load of laundry in the washing machine?!). My husband played video games while our newborn son slept in his arms, so it is entirely possible to do both. This guy sounds like a total a-hole.
But buckle those proverbial seat belts, because it gets worse. After all that, this man has the audacity to demand sex acts from his wife.
“He’s been very very annoying as he wants me to give him ‘head’ but doesn’t understand I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally drained,” she wrote. Girl! It shouldn’t need to be said, but we’re gonna say it louder for the folks in the back: you do not have to do any sexual acts whatsoever with anyone, even your husband, unless you absolutely want to. This man needs a serious wake-up call.
Next on his list of offenses: this husband goes to work (where it’s quiet and there are adults and no babies crying, I assume) and texts his wife about how great she is. This is the same husband who took all the credit for her work in public, mind you.
“This man will text me a whole paragraph stating he’s so happy to be with me blah blah blah,” she wrote. “So happy god gave him me but I feel the only reason is because he knows I stay licking his a** while he sits like a pretty little princess on his gaming chair.” Damn, girl! She’s really letting her feelings out, and it’s so refreshing. First step Reddit; next step, kicking this man to the curb (we hope).
For those who say she should speak to him, she has. (You can guess how that turned out.)
“After multiple times of speaking to him regarding how I’ve been feeling alone (PPD is starting to sneak up on me) this man had the audacity to blame me and say I can be so negative and it can affect the baby,” she wrote. “Then says the reason I’m lonely is because idk how to choose my friends (had a friendship break up with my long term bff of years).”
Oh man! So now he’s being awful, then turning it around on her to blame and gaslight her. If you aren’t seeing red yet, just wait.
“He’s the one who wanted a baby the most and is the one who helped me the least,” she continued. “At the hospital he was very supportive but once we were home it’s like a switch went off on him & forgot that in these moments I needed him the most.” Classic case of only “helping” so he looks good and not actually doing any real work.
“Money is a bit tight not as drastic we don’t have a stroller & I found one one Amazon for only 179,” she added. “He’s making me wait as he says money is tight but he wants a stroller that’s the brand his car has (he has a Subaru). I don’t try to talk to him about how he makes me feel because he always ends up turning it back to me and victimizes himself a lot. He’s a hard worker when it comes to finance but as a partner emotionally he’s sometimes that person I wish I wasn’t around. Sorry I just needed to vent.”
So he controls their finances too? Sounds like a super winner!
Luckily, most Redditors had her back (but the ones who were trying to victim-blame can also take a hike).
“They don’t change,” one person wrote about abusive men — and yes, “abusive” absolutely includes emotional manipulation and damage. “It’s also very alarming in front of company they lie which means they know what they are doing.” Someone responded to that, writing, “Exactly. My ex would say stuff like he was tired etc and I was like from what, watching me be a parent??”
OP responded saying, “He can be helpful during the day when he’s awake but lately especially [with] him starting to work it’s like a switch happened that I don’t even know who he is anymore.”
Hmm … it sounds like she’s trying to make him sound better than he is. Newsflash: it isn’t working.
After one person was wrongly judging her for not seeing the “signs of his negative attitude” before having a baby, the mom responded.
“I’m going to be honest he did … when my stomach started to grow more and more I needed clothes I wasn’t asking for expensive maternity clothes & it took his dad [telling him] because he kept ignoring the fact that I didn’t have clothes that fit me,” she wrote. “He took out a box of old clothes to give to me to wear like t-shirts but I needed maternity underwear and had to constantly wash them as my mom gave me the 3 pairs I owned because he didn’t want to buy me clothes.”
Ugh! He keeps getting worse and worse, and it’s heartbreaking! It’s hard enough going through the pregnancy and newborn stage with a supportive partner — much less a partner like this absolute Neanderthal of a man.
Some pointed out that while many fathers don’t “pull their weight” as far as childcare, this husband seemed to go way beyond that.
“Your problem sounds like it goes well beyond the ‘not pulling his weight’ thing that some go through just as a normal transition. Not that that issue is ok either, mind you,” they wrote. “He sounds emotionally abusive and very unsupportive in general, and just very emotionally closed off to anything that’s bothering you.”
“It also sounds like financial abuse that he wouldn’t even buy you maternity underwear,” they added. “I get that money is tight for people — and we all have our own idea of what that means. But not having enough underwear is insane. It’s something I would skip a meal to buy. Not having a stroller because he wants something else is super weird. It also limits your mobility. Blaming you for friendships gone wrong, ESPECIALLY when you’re telling him how alone you feel is complete bullsh*t. It sounds like he’s got some issues that he refuses to own anything he does, and the blame is never his.”
Then the OP wonders if it’s her fault that her husband is this way, commenting, “I struggled to get him to do things even before I got pregnant … I’m not sure if I made the mistake of making him feel like he didn’t need to do this but at this point maybe it was my fault.”
Others quickly jumped to her defense. “No. Absolutely none of this is your fault. You were conned by him sweetheart,” one person wrote. “He preyed on you because he knew you would put up with it. Probably because you’re a nice person. This is entirely a him thing. He’s an abusive a**hole and it won’t get better. Save yourself the trouble and try to get out now. Do you have someone you can stay with?”
Leaving is never as easy as people think it is, especially when she has no money. In another comment, the mom wrote, “During this time as I’m not working the only access I have is asking him. As he states his bank account is both of ours but I’ve never asked to see how much.”
The mom also commented that she would never leave her baby alone with him. “I don’t trust him with our baby as many times he’s been sleeping while she cries and cries then I have to get up and get her,” the mom commented. “Then that’s when he gets up and just looks at me because he knows I’m upset then if he’s gaming he will let her cry in his arms while he’s playing his stupid match on Call of Duty.”
We need a break from men after reading this; it’s just so infuriating. Throw the whole man out! He’s worse than awful — he sounds abusive and controlling, and this Redditor and her baby aren’t safe staying with him.
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