While some parents dread the day they become empty nesters, other parents gleefully count down the minutes until their kids move out. While they of course love their children, these moms and dads are simply looking forward to their return to living life without having to take care of dependents — which is totally valid and perfectly okay after looking after an entire human being (or multiple human beings) for two decades. These are the exact feelings of two parents who have twin sons starting college this fall, but their excitement was trampled on due to a rather presumptuous favor asked by a family member — and that person’s reaction upon being told no.
Explaining the situation on Reddit’s “Am I The A—hole” forum, a dad shared that he and his wife are very excited for their twin sons to begin college next month, both for the great experience the boys are about to embark on and for their own journey into empty nester-hood. “I love my boys but I’ve been looking forward to living with just my wife and I for a long time,” the man wrote. Again, that’s valid! Raising kids is a huge sacrifice and commitment, and it’s perfectly acceptable for parents to celebrate the day they reach the finish line.
The Redditor continued to explain that his sister-in-law has a son, Josh, who will also be starting college this fall in the same city he and his wife live in. “He was supposed to have an athletic scholarship that would pay for most of his tuition and room [and] board but it fell through due to an injury that will mean he won’t play anymore,” the dad explained, adding that his nephew still wants to attend college as a regular student.
“My wife’s sister recently asked us if Josh could stay with us during school for freshman year since we’ll have 2 empty bedrooms and dorms are expensive,” he shared. “My wife said she’d begrudgingly allow it if I was on board, but admitted it’s not really what she wants, and agreed we both need to be on board for it to happen,” the man wrote. We love the couple’s teamwork when it comes to decision-making and creating a united front! His sister-in-law’s request is a massive ask, and it’s extremely presumptuous for her to assume that they’d want to house a teen as both of their own are moving out.
The poster shared that he and his wife said no to her sister’s request, explaining, “I feel bad for Josh but I want my privacy and don’t want to live with an 18/19 year old college kid. If one of my kids stayed home an extra year that’d be a little disappointing, but I’d allow it, but I don’t want my nephew here.”
It can never be as easy as politely declining though, can it? The man continued, “It’s caused a bit of conflict with my SIL calling me a selfish a—hole and saying I’m not acting like family.” Like so many others before him, he’s come to Reddit to ask the people: “AITA?”
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Redditors assured the original poster (OP) that he is most certainly not TA in this situation. One person replied, “NTA! I think it’s actually very selfish to ask anyone to take in their kid when they know they have two children already and are about to have an empty nest.” They added, “They also just assumed you all would let him live there hence no other arrangements were made for your nephew.”
Another Redditor agreed, writing, “SIL is the AH for getting upset about a very presumptuous ask being turned down. I don’t see anything indicating that she offered to pay rent, which would have indicated a minimal amount of courtesy here,” to which another replied, “Right? It’s a huge ask. It’s not like they asked for a ride to the airport or to let him stay for a few days. Housing someone that long is a big deal.”
One user in particular dissected the feud perfectly: “You’re not responsible for the nephew,” they began. “You and your wife had a plan: the twins will go off to college and we’ll enjoy our empty-nester stage. Which means having the house teenager-free for you to roam and enjoy as you wish. Just because you have room doesn’t mean the room is available for the use of yet another teenager,” the Redditor wrote, hitting the nail on the head.
They continued, “SIL is responsible for her own child’s accommodations. Actually she’s TAH for expecting you to change your whole life for her kid. Good for you for staying firm, you deserve to enjoy your home, peace, and privacy,” the user assured OP. They concluded with a valid point: “Also, if your twins come home for a visit, their space is already gonna be taken over and that’s not fair to them either.”
If OP’s sister-in-law continues to be a jerk about their decision, we highly urge them to print a copy of this dissertation by Reddit as her next reading assignment — apparently she needs to be schooled in the college of life.
Before you go, check out some of Reddit’s most horrifying money disaster stories.
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