Scheana Shay is opening up further about the heartbreaking miscarriage she suffered last month.
After first sharing the details of her loss on June 26, the Vanderpump Rules star, 35, posted a video to her YouTube channel on Wednesday, tearfully taking viewers through the process of learning her pregnancy would not continue and sharing she had decided to get a dilation & curettage surgery.
Now in recovery, Shay, 35, says it's "really, really hard" being surrounded by loved ones who are expecting babies, after grieving not only the loss of her own child but the loss of the simultaneous pregnancy journey.
"Seeing a few of my friends pregnant right now and knowing I was going to be there with them and now I'm not," she explains of her difficult feelings. (One such friend is Shay's former costar Stassi Schroeder, who is currently expecting her first child with fiancé Beau Clark.)
"I didn't know how bad I wanted this until I had a little taste of it and now it's gone too soon," she adds.
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News of Schroeder's pregnancy was announced in mid-June, days after she and costar Kristen Doute were fired from Vanderpump Rules.
In a statement to PEOPLE on June 9, Bravo confirmed that Schroeder and Doute, 37, would not be returning to the show, on which they have both starred since its debut in 2013. Cast members Max Boyens and Brett Caprioni — whose years-old racist tweets resurfaced last winter — will also not be coming back.
Their departures were confirmed days after Schroeder and Doute both posted lengthy statements on Instagram in response to a past incident with former castmate Faith Stowers, who recently recalled a time when the pair spotted a tabloid article about a black woman wanted for theft, and called the police to pin the crimes on her.
A rep for Schroeder and Doute told PEOPLE they want to "move forward as part of the solution," adding in part, "Stassi and Kristen acknowledged what they did was wrong, have apologized and been punished. Without casting aside their actions or the impact of those actions, they want to move forward as part of the solution in ways that are productive, meaningful and sincere."
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