Lauren Burnham is opening up about how her current pregnancy differs from her first.
In an emotional Instagram post shared Wednesday, The Bachelor alum, 29, gets candid about her worries while awaiting the arrival of her twins. Burnham is also mom to daughter Alessi, 21 months, whom she shares with husband Arie Luyendyk Jr.
The pair announced their pregnancy in December after revealing in May 2020 that she suffered a miscarriage.
"This time around has been different to say the least," she begins her caption, shared alongside a topless maternity photo showing off her baby bump. "The darkness that surrounds a loss is something not easily forgotten. The months of mourning, the months of hoping, to now, moments of worry."
"Even in the midst of something as beautiful as new life, that darkness finds its way in to remind me that it did in fact exist," adds Burnham. "It's tarnished the blissful ignorance i gleefully experienced the first time around."
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The reality star adds that she's "proud" of her body and grateful for the good and the bad, since that puts life's moments in perspective.
"With all of that said, i'm proud of this body and what we've endured together. i'm proud of my second & third babies for growing so well and grateful for all the reminders they send me saying, 'mom, we're okay'. i'm proud of my journey through the darkness, because without that, the light i see now wouldn't shine quite so bright," she writes.
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The pair — who met on the 22nd season of The Bachelor and got married in January 2019 — open up in a Feb. 15 YouTube video about their road to becoming pregnant with their twins on the way, one boy and one girl. She said she "wanted to try right away" for another baby after the miscarriage, but doctors instructed them to wait about a month.
"I think the first reaction when you go through that as a couple," adds Luyendyk Jr., "is you just want to dive right back in, get pregnant and forget about the miscarriage. I think that's something we wanted right away. Obviously it did not work out that way."
Burnham's takeaway advice to other women struggling to conceive? "As much as you can, try not to stress yourselves out about it," she said in the video.
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