My seven-year-old son has got his first girlfriend

He tells me that they love each other because they are both short and excellent at cartwheels. Until recently girls were every bit as repellent as dead slugs. Now, he can’t stop taking his school shirt off and dropping to the floor to do press-ups whenever they are in the vicinity.

I’ve tried not to tease him about it, because I still vividly remember how utterly mortified and completely humourless I used to be when my parents teased me about my crush on James and Jonathan Robinson (twins and completely interchangeable through my eight-year-old eyes. I was desperate for a Do-si-do with them during Country Dancing in the school hall).

But I cracked and now I just can’t stop myself with the old, ‘Oooh, is your girlfriend going to the party, is that why you’ve got half a tub of Daddy’s gel on your head?’ because that is my job.

At first he was coy, he protested, he got embarrassed, but now he is brazen about his love, goes visibly mushy at the mention of her name and is doing multiple cartwheels over the fact we have been invited to the future in-laws for an early tea next Saturday. It’s actually making me feel a bit funny.

He’s not supposed to love girls yet, he is only supposed to love his mummy (who is now graduating to ‘Mum’ apart from when he’s overtired and forgets himself).

But, on the other hand, I equally worry he will dump her. His friend told his mum that, I quote, ‘all the girls hang round Raffi all the time because he is so handsome and has a good smile and a six-pack’. Which is lovely to hear. But not if all my mum friends hate me because my son has stabbed their precious daughter through the heart with a virtual dagger.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry. Apparently, this loving-the-ladies thing goes away and girls regain their dead-slug magnetism for a few years before it comes back all gun’s blazing. Then there’ll be more than doing cartwheels together to worry about…

Three ways even year old boys show their girlfriend love…

  • By constantly showing off their best ‘floss’ (the dance, not the removal of bits of old crisps from between their teeth).
  • By climbing to the top of the nearest tree (which tends to go wrong when they have to be rescued by a passing fire fighter).
  • By completely ignoring their very existence.

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Feel Lara’s pain? Let her know on Twitter: @larajkilner

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