When you meet a newborn baby, it’s common courtesy to bring food or gifts. It’s been that way since caveman times (probably) because parents are exhausted, babies are cute, and it’s just polite. If you’ve never had a baby, you may not realize exactly how draining those first few weeks and months are, but seasoned parents have no excuse not to extend a little grace. Apparently, one grandma on Reddit didn’t get the memo, and she actually was upset that her son’s house wasn’t clean when she came over to meet his newborn twins. I mean, c’mon!
In the “Am I The A—hole?” subreddit, one new dad wanted to know if it was OK that he didn’t tidy up or apologize for the mess before his mom came to visit.
“My mom is expecting an apology from me for ruining her first meeting with her grandkids and pretty much acting like an asshole,” he wrote. “I’m not sure if there was a better way to handle what happened. AITA?”
For a little background, the OP and his friend, Addy, accidentally got pregnant, and are co-parenting their 4-week-old twins. “It’s beyond hectic atm trying to survive with two newborns,” the new dad wrote. “My mom barely called me after we haven’t spoken since telling her I got my friend pregnant.”
After the babies were born, the grandma finally “wanted to meet them.” “We didn’t agree until now because we are both exhausted,” he wrote. “Addy’s staying at my place right now since there’s more space and we are both here 24/7 with the kids”
But, unfortunately, it didn’t take long for his mom to start complaining. “Not even 5 mins after my mom shows up she’s asking me why the kitchen is so dirty,” he wrote. “Gee I wonder why 🙄.”
Seriously! Who can expect to keep a clean house with one newborn, much less twins? And why would the grandma even care? It sounds like she has control issues.
The grandma then continued to complain about other messes in the house. “Every little thing she had something to say about,” he wrote. “She was bothered about the twins play mat still on the floor from when they were doing tummy time earlier. Asking when was the last time someone took out the trash (that same morning but when you have two shitting newborns the bin fills up quick). I’m used to this with my mom because she always liked cleanliness but I told her she needs to knock it off immediately.”
As if she couldn’t get any worse, the OP’s mom then decides to complain about Addy taking a nap.
“Addy went to go take a nap before my mom came over and woke up an hour later so she went out to greet my mom,” he explained. Then, one of the baby’s got fussy, so Addy went to feed him, and the other baby woke up, so the dad went to rock him back to sleep. Afterward, the grandma complained about Addy being “rude.”
“My mom asks me if Addy is always this rude, I ask her, ‘what do you mean?’” he wrote. “She says ‘because Addy didn’t bother to get up’ once my mom got there but I told her, ‘well what do you expect? She just had a c section barely 4 weeks ago now we have 2 newborns with a fresh set of lungs to look after. We take turns getting a nap every chance we get.’” Props to the dad for defending his children’s mom like this!
Despite this extremely reasonable and normal explanation, the OP’s mom was not having it.
“According to my mom it’s not right since we were having company,” the dad wrote. “So I told her, ‘well you weren’t here to see Addy you were meeting my sons.’ My mom still thought the least she could have done was show a little hospitality.”
The grandma clarified — she did want to meet her grandkids, but she still expected the house to be clean. “She still got defensive saying she knew she was meeting her grandkids but thought we’d at least tidy up, get ready for her to be here,” he said.
“I’m already irked and really didn’t have the energy for this and that’s what I told her,” he added, “Also if she won’t stop whining about the little things then please leave. Which is what she did but now she won’t stop claiming I treated her so poorly on a day that was supposed to be memorable.”
Reddit quickly came to the dad’s defense. “No one should go to the house of new parents and expect hospitality. Ever,” one person wrote. “If she wants things clean, tell her she is welcome to come over & clean herself or pay for a maid. Otherwise, she can keep her mouth shut.”
Others commented on the lack of help the dad’s mom was offering. “Did she offer any help at all? Did she bring a gift? Arrange a baby shower? Offer to babysit? No,” they wrote. “She jus came empty handed and expected parents of newborn twins to cater to her needs. She is a lost cause OP.” Someone else wrote, “I’ve never heard of family coming to visit new babies without bringing food and/or gifts to support the new parents. Not vice versa. Your mom is incredibly selfish.”
Other people could relate, with one person adding, “My mom is like the mom in this thread as well. The best thing I can say about the situation is it taught me how not to treat my own kids when they are adults.”
But this comment takes the prize for relatable: “My twins are 15 years old,” someone wrote. “If you want a clean house when you visit then we’re not ready yet.” So true!
Can we stop expecting anyone to have a clean house when we visit? You never know what someone is going through and it’s not your place to comment. Oh, and please bring food when you visit a family with a newborn! Trust me: it will be much appreciated.
Celebrities — they’re just like us! Especially when it comes to embarrassing their kids.
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