Having a baby is such an exciting moment! As the due date quickly approaches, expectant parents often spend time preparing the nursery, readying the hospital bag, and dreaming about what their little one will look like. But one dad-to-be on Reddit is planning on skipping all the “messy” labor and delivery portion of the process and go straight to the fun part — holding his new baby.
On the popular “Am I The A—hole” subreddit, a 26-year-old man is expecting a baby girl with his 23-year-old wife in early July. Since they are in the last few weeks of pregnancy, they’ve been talking a lot about the labor…and they found out they have very different opinions on how the delivery is going to go.
“Recently we began discussing who my wife want in the delivery room,” he wrote. “She wants both me and her mom… A bit weird in my opinion.”
As someone who had both my husband and my mom with me in the delivery room for the birth of my first two sons, I don’t think this is weird at all. My mom has been through this before, so she is an invaluable help, and it goes without saying my husband would want to be there in the first moments of our child’s life. But apparently not every man feels the same way.
“Anyways, I told her I don’t want to be there during the delivery. Only before and after,” he said. His reason for not wanting to be there? “I see no point in it,” he wrote. Excuse me? “No point” in being there for the birth of your baby? Sir, you need to get your priorities straight.
He added, “It’s not going to be beautiful, just messy.” In my experience, it’s both, but even if it’s not beautiful, how could he not realize his wife will need his support and attention during this time? Apparently to him, her mom will completely take his place.
“Her moms been through it so I think she’d be a better support than me,” the dad-to-be wrote. “If her mom takes care and watches whatever mess happens in there, I’ll gladly take care of the mess that comes after pregnancy.”
In a reaction that shocks no one, his wife isn’t happy about this plan. “My wife is visibly upset about this…” he wrote. “Calls me names and all kinds of things. She even told her mom so she’s mad at me too. Personally, I just don’t wish to see it. I’ve heard horror stories about what happens during labour… I don’t want to see my wife that way. WIBTA if I’m not in the delivery room?”
So even knowing his wife is upset, he still doesn’t change his mind — because he is too scared of the pain his wife will be in and doesn’t “want to see” her in her most powerful moment.
Reddit delivered with cutting responses to him.
“YTA. She wants you there for support, not to witness,” one person said. “You know you don’t need to have your face in her vagina while she’s giving birth right? You could be up by her head and holding her hand or encouraging her.”
Someone else agreed, “She has doctors and nurses to take care of her medical/vaginal needs, that’s not what she wants you there for, my god,” someone wrote. “She wants you there for emotional support and to share this once in a lifetime, beautiful experience with her. I feel like in this scenario, her needs trump your wants.” Agree completely.
Others pointed out how scary and risky childbirth can be. “YTA. I hate to break this to you, but the birth of your child isn’t about you!” someone wrote. “If you’ve heard horror stories about what happens during labour, you will know exactly why you wife needs you in there to support her.”
They added, “Fatherhood doesn’t start when after the baby is born and all cleaned up, it starts from when your baby is conceived and you need to step up and support your wife when she needs it.”
If you can’t step up for the delivery, how can she expect you to be there any other time your daughter needs you? I hate to break it to you, but kids are messy. Stop being selfish!
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