There is usually (and unfortunately) nothing private about pregnancy. Heck, even before even becoming pregnant, people are sticking their noses into a couple’s family planning. Less than a month ago, we had to once again remind people that the question of if and when someone is going to have a baby is absolutely no one’s business except for that person, their partner, and any healthcare professionals they choose to involve.
If and when someone does get pregnant or is expecting a child, it is first and foremost their business and their decision on what to do with that information. They get to decide who knows. They get to decide when people know. And they get to decide how much people get to know. In case you missed the common thread: They. Get. To. Decide.
And so one mom-to-be and her fiancé were understandably upset when his mother decided she was the gatekeeper of their pregnancy. And with her at the helm, that gate was wide open. The expectant mom joined the “Am I The A—hole” subreddit to find out if it would be wrong of her to not tell her soon-to-be mother-in-law when her grandson is born, and Reddit said the answer is straightforward.
The woman who wrote this post — AKA the original poster or OP — has been with her fiancé for 10 years, and they have been trying to conceive for the last six. They “finally” got pregnant in 2022 and “couldn’t be happier.”
The First Problem
OP’s mother-in-law hasn’t been able to keep the news to herself. She is “a little finger-friendly” when it comes to social media. The first issue was when this MIL took it upon herself to announce her son and daughter-in-law’s pregnancy.
“We announced [our pregnancy to family and close friends] pretty early because we were so excited, and I found out my MIL had made a post online [before] me and my fiancé…We wanted to wait until our 12-week scan before posting anything.”
How infuriating and inappropriate is that? That was not this MIL’s news to share.
“I didn’t say much because she was probably just very excited and I focused on working on being as healthy as I can for the baby. “”
The Second Offense
You would hope that would be the last of this MIL’s screw-ups, but this is Reddit and you know things will keep getting worse. OP and her fiancé had a sex reveal party and it was “such a pleasant day.”
“The day came to a sudden stop when I had a notification that I had been tagged in a post from MIL letting everyone know the gender of our baby,” OP wrote. Are you fuming like we are?!
“I have to admit this angered me, I was hoping that my fiancé and I could make that announcement ourselves first, but it wasn’t even the end of the day and I was receiving congrats messages from random people. I expressed my concern to my fiance and he said he’d talk to her.”
P.s. How gross is it that MIL is on social media instead of celebrating IRL?
Nope, that isn’t all. OP is 30 weeks pregnant and decided to get a 4D scan. Once again, this MIL was the first to share these photos publically even after the couple asked that she and the rest of the family hold off.
“We’ve now had to sit her down and tell her that she has stolen these moments from us by making these announcements first,” OP said. “This is our first baby and it’s those moments we can never have returned to us.”
Given her MIL’s track record, OP is considering keeping some pretty big news to herself.
“I have [warned her] that if this continues where announcements are being made before we have made them, then I will not tell her when her grandchild arrives, and that she can find out through social media. She’s now become very upset and said that we are overreacting.”
And so, OP wants to know if she herself is being the a—hole here.
Mum’s The Word
Reddit unanimously agreed that this mom-to-be can keep her son’s birth a secret. After all, her MIL did get three strikes.
“She lost the right to her access when she flagrantly went against your wishes, not once, but three times. Misbehave, and suffer the consequences. Doesn’t matter how old you are.”
“My mom was the same when we announced her my gf pregnancy at a dinner… ‘Oooh! I can’t wait to tell the rest of the family!’ Despite me telling her not to. I was basically forced to call everyone during dinner to announce it myself. I did so by telling them, ‘Sorry to call you during mealtime, but otherwise Mom would have spoiled it.’ Mom was furious I made her look like a villain… But it taught her a lesson about respecting boundaries. Same with your MIL: she doesn’t respect your boundaries, she needs to do so.”
“[You’re not the AH because] she will absolutely make posts all over social media the minute you give birth if you give her half a chance. She has shown that she will continue this behavior even after you have set clear boundaries about it…She prefers “likes” to her loved ones’ wishes. And nobody likes that.”
And now, using language this MIL is bound to understand, we have to say that we retweet, reshare, and upvote all these comments.
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