A mom turned to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum about changing her son’s NSFW last name — and she’s gotten full support. For context, his last name is C**ks (like Cox, only … not) and he inherited it from his father, who isn’t really involved in the child’s life.
“My ex and I got divorced when my son was 18 months old,” she explained. “When it came down to splitting custody, I offered my ex a reasonable visitation schedule based on our son’s age. My ex declined it, stating he ‘gets bored with him’ and just wanted a 4 hour visit on Sunday mornings.”
The Reddit user noted that her ex-husband hardly sees their child and usually returns him earlier than was agreed upon. Since the divorce, she’s gotten re-married and has taken her wife’s last name. Now, she wants her son to do the same. “My son is to the age now where he’s starting to get confused why he doesn’t have the same last name as my wife and I,” she said. “We are also planning on having another child together, which will obviously take our last name as well. On top of this, with my son’s last name being so phallic, he’s been targeted by bullies at school ALREADY, even though he’s only 9 years old.”
The ex-husband is refusing this idea, declaring that “it’s his right as a man to have offspring with his last name.” (Ugh.) He also claimed that changing the last name could effect his relationship with his son. “I want to change my child’s last name against ‘tradition’ of him having his father’s last name,” the Reddit user countered. “Despite his dad saying no, I want to continue to try to move forward with the process and worry that he could be right and I may actually be damaging his relationship with my son.”
The overwhelming consensus was change that last name, and change it now. “For someone who doesn’t bother to play any active part in his son’s life, your ex has a lot to say regarding this,” one person wrote. “NTA. You’ve done the polite thing, which is ask. If you can legally change it without his input, go ahead!”
Others added that the decision was hers and her son’s to make. “‘Dad’ isn’t a dad at this point, he’s a DNA donor,” someone noted. “Ask your son what HE wants, and do that. Ex sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to permanently bail on your son. He sounds fairly worthless, so let him.”
Many offered some concrete advice. “I’d go to court with documentation on just how much contact he’s had with his son since his birth and maybe start the process to allow your wife to adopt him,” a user wrote. “Then change his last name and save the poor kid.” Another commenter suggested informally changing his last name in the meantime.
“The easiest thing right now is to just tell the school that his preferred name is your last name and just have him go by that until he turns 18 and can legally change it without the hassle. I’m a teacher and I’ve had several students need to do that in the past, no big deal. Just a conversation with admin (principal) and then teachers at the start of the year.”
Team Name Change here — and hoping that this Reddit user gets all the helpful support from wherever she needs it.
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