Like dad jokes? Well, the subreddit r/dadjokes/ is full of hilarious groaners, including its share of jokes no dad would dare tell his kids:
1.“Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.”
—u/daugarten
2.“It’s okay if your phone autocorrects ‘fuck’ to ‘duck.’You’re still using fowl language.”
—u/GeezusManForReal
3.“My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name’s Steve.”
—u/shonzo18
4.“I’ve just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.”
—u/CowboyProgrammer
5.“I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.”
—u/that-_one-_guy
6.“Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty Nuts!”
—u/sezza191
7.“What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.”
—u/LeCrowing
8.“My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.”
—u/porichoygupto
9.“My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence.”
—u/porichoygupto
10.“I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’ Stupid firemen.”
—u/Mudpucket1969
11.“My son is now at that age where he’s curious about the human body. I guess I’ll have to hide it somewhere else now.”
—u/that_introverted_guy
12.“When two people have sex, its a twosome. When three people have sex, its a threesome. Now I know why people call you handsome.”
—u/PH4nTo8
13.“My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower. He has serious selfie steam issues.”
—u/porichoygupto
14.“I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It’s more difficult to deter gents, though.”
—u/Boomkiller
15.“A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a barHe came, he saw, he conquered.”
—u/Mandalore02
16.“I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: ‘Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!’ She was watching our wedding video again.”
—u/porichoygupto
17.“Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes…you need to let that mango.”
—u/MrNakamura
18.“My dad once tried making coffee. When he tasted it he said, ‘Ahh, like making love in a canoe.’ When I asked him if it was that good, his smile faded and he said, ‘No, it’s fucking close to water’ and poured it out.”
—u/NotAPoliceOfficer68
19.“My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, ‘How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?’ He winked at me and said, ‘I’m off duty in ten minutes — meet me in the car park.'”
—u/madazzahatter
H/T: r/dadjokes/
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