I heard about a TED Talk on YouTube called “Three Words That Will Change Your Life” so I had a look because I wanted to change my life, and I wanted to do it in five words or less. The talk was given by Dr Mark Holder, a Canadian psychologist who runs a university course on the Science of Happiness – which I’m sure is a very happy university course with no faculty bitchiness or bureaucratic infighting, and all the students are brimming over with euphoric satisfaction.
How about the ecstasy-inspiring “I’ll cook dinner”, immediately followed by the rapture-evoking “You just sit”. Credit:Tribune
Anyway, the three words that Dr Holder thinks will change my life were not the three words I was expecting: they weren’t “Seize the day”, or “Yes we can” or even “Help, I’m drowning!” which you’d think would have to be the most life-changing three words a person can utter. But nope, didn’t get a look in. A major oversight I thought.
Turns out Dr Holder was actually talking about three words that can keep relationships alive and happy, and his three words were … “Tell me more”. I know: I was underwhelmed too. According to Dr Holder, when we listen to someone “it validates the speaker to tell them that their story is important”. Which may be true, but I think it could get a little grating if you were constantly interrupting someone with “tell me more” in the style of Betty Rizzo and the Pink Ladies from the 1978 musical Grease. Especially if you led in with a throaty “Well-a well-a well-a HUHHH”.
OK, so “tell me more” are not the worst three words ever: listening to people may very well be a good thing, and I might even try it one day. But meantime, I can think of much better three-word phrases that keep relationships alive and happy.
How about a simple, selfless “Take the flicker”. The act of passing over the TV remote to someone else is a tremendous gesture of love, telling them that you have total faith in their life choices, both emotionally and free-to-air/catch-up/streamingly. Then once the flicker has been passed, you should sit patiently while the other person presses all the wrong buttons, faffs around with channels, and eventually settles on a fun little 201-episode crime show about kids getting murdered in a bleak, desolate landscape, featuring a policewoman on the spectrum. At this point you can throw in a gentle non-aggressive, “Whatever you want to watch. Don’t worry about me. I’ll just come and go.”
Another excellent triple-set of words is a mumbled midnight “Going … to … couch …” This is spoken when you get out of bed and go to sleep in another room because you’re keeping your loved one awake – you’re making strange snoring-noises like a Philip Glass symphony played on a gumleaf. Just three words, but the ultimate act of self-sacrifice.
There are so many great three-word relationship-enhancers. How about the ecstasy-inspiring “I’ll cook dinner”, immediately followed by the rapture-evoking “You just sit”. Or a hearty, life-affirming “Allen’s Snakes Alive!” paired with the crinkle of a 500 gram plastic pack. Or the sensuously whispered “Sex. Sometime soon”. Those three words can keep a loved one, usually a man, happy and hopeful for up to eight months.
What about “Found your keys”. Or “Foot massage time”. Or “You were right”. Or “I’ll drive home”. Or “Let’s buy it”. Or maybe the most important three words that anyone can utter to keep a relationship alive: “Help, we’re drowning!” That’s got to be number one. Top three at least.
Danny Katz is an Age columnist.
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